Photo: YourTango
Because we could all use a little humor in our lives.
By Emily Francos — Written on Aug 05, 2020
Have you ever fallen all over yourself laughing at corny jokes, even when they were so cheesy you should probably just groan instead? Yeah, we all have. Some days you just need to find something funny that will make you laugh in the middle of all the world's problems, especially in those moments when it feels like you'll never smile again.
My mom sends me a few corny jokes almost every day, and we both love trying to see who can find the funniest, cheesiest jokes in order to one-up each other. When the giggles turn into full-throttled belly laughs, it makes the day so much better no matter what was going on. Count it as a win if you make someone laugh in the midst of chaos, even if that someone is yourself.
Need some inspirational to get your funny on? These corny jokes are so bad they're actually really funny.
125 Funny Corny Jokes So Cheesy You Have To Laugh
1. Why did the belt get arrested?
He held up a pair of pants.
2. What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
3. What happened when the grape crossed the road?
There was a traffic jam.
4. Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
5. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
6. How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
7. Where do hamburgers go dancing?
The meat-ball.
8. I named my two dogs Rolex and Timex ...
They’re my watchdogs.
9. What do you get when you rub two oranges together?
Pulp friction.
10. Where do you learn how to make banana splits?
At sundae school.
11. What do you call a teacher who never farts in public?
A private tooter.
12. What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
13. What types of clothes does a house wear?
Address.
14. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies.
15. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An in-vesti-gator.
16. What did the mushroom say to his ex when she broke up with him?
Don't leave me. I'm a fungi.
17. What did the termite say when he entered the bar?
Is the bar tender here?
18. What did the mayo say when the fridge door was opened?
Shut the door. I'm dressing.
19. Why did the music producer decline to make the sandwich's album?
He's more into wrap music.
20. What did the daughter corn ask the mother corn?
Where's pop-corn?
21. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
22. How does a train eat?
It goes chew chew.
23. I had to sell my vacuum cleaner ...
It was just collecting dust.
24. Two fish are in a tank ...
One says to the other fish, do you know how to drive this thing?
25. Why was the cook arrested?
He was beating an egg.
26. What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
27. A book fell on my head ...
I can only blame my shelf.
28. Why was the pig hired by the restaurant?
He was really good at bacon.
29. What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
30. Two antennas got married ...
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
31. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
32. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was out-standing in his field.
33. What does a nut say when it sneezes?
Cashew.
34. Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
35. What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.
36. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
37. Cow talking: My grandfather was a knight ...
His name was Sir Loin.
38. Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
39. What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Addictionary.
40. What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip-off.
41. What language does a stomach speak?
Hungarian.
42. I would avoid the sushi if I was you ...
It’s a little fishy.
43. What kind of stories do cows tell each other at bedtime?
Dairy tales.
44. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
45. What is Forrest Gump's password?
1Forrest1.
46. Why can't bicycles stand on their own?
They are two tired.
47. What's something that's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
48. Two guys walked into a bar ...
You'd think the second one would have ducked.
49. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
50. What did the red light say to the green light?
Don't look, I'm changing.
51. What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
52. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
53. Who's the world's fastest songwriter?
Taylor Swift.
54. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Ketchup.
55. How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
56. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
57. If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit.
They're usually around 90 degrees.
58. I tried calling the tinnitus hotline ...
But it just kept ringing.
59. What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
60. What do a dog and a phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
61. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
62. What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
63. Did you hear about the young actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
64. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
65. I used to work for an origami company ...
Until it folded.
66. What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits
67. Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets ...
Then it hit me.
68. Did you hear what happened when two peanuts were walking through town?
One was a salted!
69. I visited the Air and Space Museum ...
Nothing was there.
70. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
The food is great, but there's just no atmosphere.
71. What has ears but can’t hear?
A cornfield!
72. What do you call a boring dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
73. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
74. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.
75. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
76. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.
77. Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
78. What does a spy do when he gets cold?
He goes undercover.
79. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They crack up too easily.
80. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
81. What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around. I’ll go ahead.
82. What do call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time.
83. What kind of shoes do robbers wear?
Sneakers.
84. Why don’t melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
85. What did the horse say after it tripped?
“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
86. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
87. Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
88. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
89. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
90. What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?
The space bar.
91. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
92. Why wouldn’t the poppy seed leave the casino?
Because he was on a roll.
93. Why did the chicken go to a séance?
To get to the other side.
94. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
95. Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
96. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
For his lack of concentration.
97. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
98. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
99. What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It waved.
100. Why is such a bad idea to play poker in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.
101. Why did the robber take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
102. How does a duck buy lipstick?
She just puts it on her bill.
103. What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
104. What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
105. Where do electrical cords go to shop?
At an outlet mall.
106. What's the best way to impress a baker?
Bring him flours.
107. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
He was just a little hoarse.
108. Why are elephants so wrinkly?
Because you can’t iron them.
109. What did the cake say to the fork?
You want a piece of me?
110. Why couldn't the pirate remember the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at C.
111. How do ranchers keep track of their cattle?
They use a cow-culator.
112. When do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
113. How many teenagers does it take to change a light-bulb?
Whatever.
114. How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Some obscure number you've never heard of.
115. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
Only one, but they have to do it while you’re eating dinner.
116. Did you heat about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu — you get what you deserve.
117. Why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make everything up.
118. What did the grape say when it was crushed?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.
119. What do you call a herd of sheep tumbling down a hill?
A lamb slide.
120. Why should you never trust stairs?
Because they're always up to something.
121. What's the difference between me and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
122. So I struck up a conversation with a spider today ...
Seems nice. He's a web designer.
123. Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had so many problems.
124. Why do goldfish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
125. How many sheep does it take to make one sweater?
It depends on how well they can knit.
The moral of the story is that there is always a silver lining in life, and you can always make someone else's day better. By sharing these corny jokes, you can make a small but important impact on someone's life by taking their minds off of these hard times. They will remember you as the one that made them smile and laugh when they needed some humor most.
Still looking for more corny jokes? Try these:
35 Best Cat Puns For Your Favorite Feline Friends
21 Corny Dad Jokes & Funny Memes To Share With 'Hilarious' Dads
16 Funny Jokes & Wednesday Memes To Get You Through Hump Day With A Smile
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Emily Francos is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture and relationship topics.