6 Important Reminders For Anyone Struggling With Heartbreak
It won't last forever.
unsplash / artem maltsev Relationships are beautiful. The experience of getting to know someone in an intimate capacity is magical. If you didn’t know, I’m a believer in the idea that love conquers all. I guess you could say I’m a hopeless romantic.
But like most things in life, relationships end sometimes. Whether we grew apart or there was toxicity in the relationship, I can look back and see that each one came to teach me something valuable that I’ll use moving forward.
Relationships are hard and breakups suck. Some relationships are harder than others to get over. Sometimes we are left wondering if we should fight harder or give up. I’ve had to go through the stages of grief after a relationship ends because a broken heart from a breakup feel very similar to losing a loved one to death.
There’s no magic remedy to get over someone, we just have to deal with the breakup — and hopefully, these reminders will help.
1. Go no contact.
If you’ve decided to end the relationship and you’ve tried everything to fix it, the best thing you can do it block them. I know it seems heartless, but it’s the only way you’ll be able to move on. I’ve had to change my phone number once in order to keep an ex from reaching out to me.
This also includes not stalking their social media profiles. You can’t move on if you constantly have this person in your phone or appearing on your timeline. Use this time to love yourself and focus only on your needs.
2. Don't rebound.
Listen, I’m not here to tell you what to do, but one thing I’ve learned is that you have to heal after a relationship. Going from person to person doesn’t allow you to heal the wounds and learn the lessons that the previous relationship was meant to show you. A lot of people are repeating the same mistakes because they didn’t allow themselves the time to heal.
Hang out with friends or find a therapist who will listen to you vent. When you’re ready to date again do so, but not before you’ve given yourself time to grieve.
3. Find an outlet.
A lot of times people end relationships and start partying and masking their pain with alcohol, drugs, shopping or even other people. It may work for some people, but it has never worked for me.
What has helped me was finding and creating my art. My outlet is writing my feelings into poetry and my blog. For other people, it’s going to the gym or picking up a new hobby. You’d be surprised the kind of art you create in your most painful times.
4. Remember that no one else can make you happy.
The only person that can make you happy is you. People can complement our happiness, but if you put all of your happiness into one person, you will always be left empty and disappointed.
I hate when people say that their partner is their other half. No. You should be complete and the partner should be complete. Also, each person should be willing to heal their past traumas — don’t be anyone’s peace. Be your own peace and make yourself happy.
5. Set boundaries and speak up.
In relationships, it’s easy to go with the flow of things, but it is imperative that you set healthy boundaries and speak up for yourself. Learning to say no and sticking with your decision is important, otherwise, you’ll always feel as though the other person is taking advantage of you.
6. Believe you'll love again.
Trust me, I know it doesn’t seem like it and it’s the last thing on your mind after a breakup, but you will. You’ll use what you’ve learned from your other relationships and it’ll make you a better partner. You will love stronger, louder, healthier and it will be the most amazing feeling you have ever felt.
Sahony Natasha is a 27-year-old full-time graduate student and blogger, therapist and mental health advocate. Check out her website for more of her writing.