The One Thing EVERY Couple Can Learn From A Dom/Sub Relationship

Whether or not the dominant/submissive life is for you, there is something you (yes, YOU) can learn from BDSM role play to make your relationship strong.

That sounds crazy, I know. But we've all heard the phrase "wearing the pants in the relationship" and it makes sense to us, right?

And while most of the time we joke about it, the truth is, someone usually DOES wear the pants, even in healthy relationships! That is to say, one person is in charge and the other follows their lead.

In our latest Experts Quickies video, sex & intimacy coach Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey — creator of the podcast The A to Z of Sex ™  — explains that there is a boss in every relationship. Not when it comes to the sex (although there could be a boss in the bedroom, too) but in the daily life and running of your home.

In a traditional home, it may break down with the wife taking charge of the laundry and children while the husband takes care of the cars and the bills.

Often, you find that this division of labor just happens naturally without and discussion. It may start out feeling very natural, but this is also where things start to go wrong.

In a dom/sub relationship, there are clear expectations. Both parties discuss beforehand exactly what they are comfortable with, who takes care of what and what to expect. 

And they are freer because of it. They may fight less, and feel more secure. 

This is especially important these days, as gender roles and expectations about who manages household chores are changing rapidly. The University of Michigan has been tracking the future expectations of teenagers for decades, and discovered, as Nora Caplan-Bricker notes in Slate, "The 76 percent of high school seniors who believed that 'a woman should have exactly the same job opportunities as a man' in 1976 became 89 percent by 1994, for example; the 75 percent who concurred that 'a preschool child is likely to suffer if the mother works' fell to roughly half of respondents in the same period of time."

The same study noted that Millennials, despite having very egalitarian expectations when it comes to gender in many areas, reported wanting more traditional roles in their future relationships. 

Because there are less rules for modern relationships and ever-changing expectations, couples need to have clear expectations. That's where Dom and Sub roles can be helpful!

Doms and Subs know exactly what is expected of them, and if something happens they are uncomfortable with, they know how to bring it up to their partner.

Most often, the cause of a relationship ending is unmet expectations. Either a partner finds that their expectations aren't being met or there is something they just don't know how to bring up.

Take a page from a BDSM couple's book.

Take a moment to discuss with your partner how to divide the responsibilities and what you each expect from the other. Most importantly, agree how you can discuss awkward topics with them.

Yes, the basis of this lesson may be a little unorthodox — but it's a lesson that will strengthen your love and help you build a healthy relationship, able it to withstand anything. 

If you or your partner want to strengthen your relationship, bring kink into the bedroom, or have any other relationship or sex-related concerns, get to know Lori Beth Bisbey and check out her web site or write to her with your questions by clicking here. She's here to help.