11 Tiny Rules For Keeping A Friends With Benefits Situation Casual
Casual relationships are meant to be treated casually.
Pavel Danilyuk | Canva If you want a friends-with-benefits situation to work, there are a few rules you need to follow if you want a situation that works. First, notice I call this a "situation" and not a relationship. That's because FWB situations are nothing like other romantic relationships. A typical friends-with-benefits arrangement involves two friends, whether they are close friends or just acquaintances, who ARE casual with no strings attached. Because this type of relationship can get complicated, there are ground rules you must follow to make sure you don't end up feeling confused, let down, or left with hurt feelings if things don't work out. Let's learn some of the guidelines to abide by so you get maximum enjoyment from your friend with benefits.
Here are 11 tiny rules for keeping a friends-with-benefits situation casual:
1. Don't try to make your friends-with-benefits situation into a real relationship
Sometimes, women think that if they can just get a guy to sleep with them, they will be able to turn that into a serious, long-term relationship. To believe this is the equivalent of building a castle on sand: it's a really bad foundation for a relationship. While FWBs do sometimes end up being more than that, it's the exception and not the rule. The only reason you should enter a friends-with-benefits relationship is when you want passion and nothing else.
2. Stay emotionally neutral
This can be hard, but it's a vital rule of FWB situations if you want yours to work properly. Once you become emotionally attached or find yourself catching feelings, you complicate the arrangement. This means you need to prevent yourself from getting attached. It means you're not allowed to get jealous if you see him hanging out or flirting with other girls. And it means you can't be angry if he doesn't text you back immediately.
3. Refrain from cuddling
An often-forgotten rule is that you need to make sure you aren’t cuddling. When you start to cuddle after being intimate, your bond with him will get deeper. This isn’t a good thing when it comes to keeping the situation free of emotion. The annoying thing about this is that cuddling feels fantastic! Still, do your best not to cuddle with him after being intimate.
Pexels / Ivan Oboleninov
4. Keep communication to a minimum
Do friends with benefits talk every day? Well, they shouldn't. To keep the arrangement solid, refrain from chatting with your FWB daily. Texting each other every day is going to give your FWB the wrong idea. He could start to think that you're looking for a serious relationship, developing feelings, or that you could fall in love with him, which may freak him out.
5. Choose your partner wisely
Before you jump into bed together, make sure you choose someone with whom there will be no awkwardness if you break things off and still hang out. There’s nothing more annoying than having great intimacy with a coworker for a few months, then breaking up and having to see him while he dates another one of your colleagues. Choose someone who you wouldn't see a whole lot anyway if you weren't sleeping together.
6. Don't hook up five nights a week
Make sure you don't hook up too often. Once a week or once every two weeks is fine, but more than that is a bad thing. Even if you feel comfortable around them, getting together so often means you'll end up spending too much time together. This will make it more likely that those dreaded feelings will start developing. And that’s what friends with benefits should not do!
7. Don't sleep over
Just because you’re sleeping with someone, you don't necessarily have to sleep over. After all, friends-with-benefits arrangements are drastically different than romantic relationships, where couples might stay over at each other’s homes. It's perfectly fine to leave an hour after you've arrived.
8. Don't exhaustively discuss it
Friends-with-benefits situations aren't like regular relationships; they're way less serious. As a result, you don't need to worry about discussing or defining the relationship. It's much better to just let it evolve, and eventually devolve, while you adhere to the rules. Having a serious discussion about your FWB relationship won’t do any good; it’s best to let it be.
9. Always use protection
This should be the number one rule of any friends-with-benefits relationship! Make sure you always use protection when you're together. Just because you're not taking the relationship seriously, that doesn't mean you should avoid taking your health seriously.
10. Understand that these relationships aren’t built to last
Friends-with-benefits relationships aren’t meant to be long-term. Some only last a week or two, and some may last a few months, but it's incredibly rare for them to last more than a year. Be aware of this going into it, and be sure to enjoy it while it lasts.
11. Don't be surprised if you hate it
Friends with benefits are supposed to be hot and fun! Some people enjoy having casual, no-strings-attached intimacy, but there are a lot of people who just don't enjoy it at all. Don't be surprised or worried if you find that it's not for you.
Sean Jameson is a writer, relationship expert, and creator of the Bad Girl's Bible.