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Narcopaths are dangerous, evil people.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Sep 11, 2020
If you've been in an abusive relationship, there's a good chance that the person who abused you was a narcissist or a sociopath, or both. A narcissistic sociopath (or narcopath) is what you can call a person who has both narcissistic and sociopathic traits — and it's a really dangerous kind of person.
What makes them so insidious is that they know how to hurt their victims and how to keep their victims around.
Here are some of the most common things narcissistic sociopaths use to torture and control their victims, and why you should bail when you notice them in your relationship.
1. Emotional blackmail
This abuse tactic basically takes advantage of the fact that you have a conscience. They will guilt you whenever you stand up for yourself, make you feel horrible for refusing them, and basically tell you that if you liked them, you'd do what they say.
Narcopaths love using this because it will make you think you're the bad guy, even when you did nothing wrong — and that makes it easier for them to blame you for their mistakes.
2. Isolation
Ever noticed how most people in abusive relationships tend to be closed off from friends? This is because narcopaths hate positive people in their victims' lives because it makes them feel more empowered.
Empowered people have the strength it takes to stand up to narcopaths, and narcopaths don't like that. Their solution? Force you to cut your friends out of your life. If you won't cut people out yourself, they may even go so far as to smear your name so others will cut you out for you.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a tactic that is all about making you feel insane. This is when they keep insisting that things that happened, didn't happen.
They also may make you question whether you actually are as educated on a subject as you think you are as a way to further undermine your confidence in your sanity. The less you trust that you're sane, the more you rely on them, which is what they want.
4. Undermining your confidence
Narcopaths are all about undermining your self-esteem through backhanded compliments, criticism, and subtle jabs. The reason they do this is because it makes them feel good about themselves and it makes you easier to control. People with low-self esteem are less likely to leave their partners, after all.
5. Affection withdrawal
Narcopaths are all about controlling people and boosting their own self-esteem at any cost. If they know you love them, they will occasionally just withdraw affection just to make you squirm. Affection withdrawal also may be used as punishment for refusing to do what a narcopath tells you to do.
6. Lovebombing
What gets most people hooked on narcissists in the first place is lovebombing, a tactic that is all about luring someone into a relationship with them. Lovebombing is all about making a person feel special and happy, and then getting them dependent on their affection. Beware if someone is way too affectionate way too quickly — it's often a sign that they're lovebombing you.
7. Triangulation
If there's one thing narcopaths are famous for, it's pitting people against each other in order to maintain control on someone. They may invent love triangles that aren't there, or actively try to get people to compete for them.
They may also start using other people to "gang up" on you when you try to leave them. For example, they may try to get family members to convince you to stay if they think you're going to leave them.
8. Using threats or physical violence
Narcopaths do use threats and physical violence to get their way, but most of the time, it's a last resort. Their need for control is what makes them do it, not "because they love you."
If you’re experiencing domestic abuse, you’re not alone.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that approximately 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the U.S. More than 12 million women and men over the course of the year suffer from instances of domestic violence and abuse.
Experiencing domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines domestic violence, domestic abuse, or relationship abuse as a “pattern of behaviors use by one partner to maintain power and control over another person in an intimate relationship.” Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender can suffer from domestic abuse. According to NDVH, close to 3 in 10 women and 1 in 10 men in the U.S. have experienced rape, physical violence, and or stalking by a partner.
If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse or violence, there are resources to get help.
There are ways to go about asking for help as safely as possible. For more information, resources, legal advice, and relevant links visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline. For anyone struggling from domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474 or log onto thehotline.org.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats.