Introverts Are Annoying —​ Nobody Cares That You Like 'Alone Time'

Dear Fellow Introverts,

A few years ago, Susan Cain released a book that shed some light on introversion. It was an interesting read and I thought it'd be great if more people read it. It would probably clear up some fundamental misunderstandings about how different people operate socially.

So, when a few links and articles about introverts versus extroverts popped up on my newsfeed soon thereafter, I was all for it. Greater knowledge and all that. People exchanged links, people commented, conversation was had, everyone moved on. 

Or so I thought.

Because that was four years ago, and the g*ddamn articles haven't stopped since. My newsfeed is still flooded with them. "10 Things You Must Know About Loving an Introvert," "7 Things Introverts Wish You Knew," "16 Sex Positions Introverts Will Love," "12 Vacations Introverts MUST Take," "Cocktails Only Introverts Can Appreciate," and on and on and on.

I get it. We are special f*cking snowflakes. We are so unusual and enigmatic that everything in the world must be filtered through the lens of introversion, and everyone in the world must educate themselves on all the ways they can adapt their natural personality to accommodate ours.

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We believe we are as fascinating as a new species, apparently, and not simply people who like some time to our damn selves.

Over the past few years, the word "introvert" has gone from being a personality trait to a full-blown identity. Concurrently, it has joined words like "authentic," "empath," "narcissist," and "pumpkin spice" in the collective consciousness as words that induce a giant f*cking eyeroll.

Look, I like time to myself as much as most of you. I like it so much that I have been sometimes been labeled a loner. But constantly announcing to people that I want to be left the hell alone is much less effective and much more obnoxious than simply turning off my phone and avoiding people.

You want to be left alone? Cool. Go be alone. You don't have to explain why because you are an adult and you get to decide how you want to live your life — and also, probably nobody asked.

Don't be like that person who feels the need to announce that they will be limiting their Facebook usage or going on a Facebook break. Just do it. Come back when you're ready.

Don't want to go to a party? Just say you won't be going. Want to have three friends over instead? Do that — without posting an article about how you prefer intimate evenings with a few close friends over big group gatherings.

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Your significant other or family can't comprehend your need for more solitude than they like? Send them the article, or, I don't know, go have a conversation with them. Or dump them and die alone. Whatever. I don't care. Just please, for the love of god, don't write or post another article about it.

We aren't unicorns. It's not a little-understood disease or a genetic anomaly or disability in need of more research. We aren't an often-mistreated protected class or an oppressed people. We just need to be alone sometimes.

So let's do that. Quietly. In solitude. Like the good old days.

Seriously, we are annoying the hell out of everyone, which is a weird thing considering we don't even want to be around the majority of them.