We Asked Men How They Know If A Woman Is Good In Bed
They did not hold back.
Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash In theory, sex isn't that complicated. Pole goes in hole (or some variation thereof) and with an assist from friction and wetness, orgasm is achieved.
But we all know that sex is actually a lot more subtle.
Sure an orgasm is great, but there's something alchemical and delicious about having sex with someone when the chemistry is just right.
We asked a group of men to tell us what makes a woman good in bed.
Is someone's sex skill level a thing you can clock?
Aside from a big ol' orgasm, what surprises and delights you in bed with the right partner?
These guys were maybe far too happy to answer every question with great.
I'll let them take it from here.
Okay men of the internet: First things first, do you think you can tell a woman is good in bed just by looking at her? Why? Why not?
"Not by looking at her, no. A lot of sex is in the brain. I suppose I could possibly pick up things I'm not conscious of, but not being conscious of them, I don't think I can tell. If that makes sense."
"No. Because I am very attractive, but horrible in bed."
A joker. We assume this serves him well.
"No. Sex is too much about feelings and reactions to know anything with just a look. That might be enough to establish attraction, but even that is so variable."
Only one brave naysayer disagreed with the crowd, saying this: "The way they dance is usually a good indicator."
If this is true, I have never been more deeply screwed.
Before you have sex with a woman, are there things she says or does that indicate to you she'll rock in the sack? Dish.
This one was more of a mixed bag.
"If a woman is very forward, if she shares my sexual interests, has sexual interests that interlock well with mine (I'm a Dom, she's a sub, for example), talks about sex in specific and knowledgeable language, there's a good chance we'll click well in bed. I don't really think of people as being good or bad, just suited or unsuited for one another. That said, some people are just bad. It's rare, but it happens."
"No. There are things she can do or say that will increase my attraction, but attraction and performance are not tethered together."
"If she knows how to flirt in a subtle way, if she was honest about her sexuality and her experiences, and if she has had a lot of partners."
Intriguing. I've slept with men who have slept with so many people and are just the worst at sex. I guess this is the concept of female promiscuity working to our advantage, ladies.
"If she's teasing and flirtatious in conversation and there's an ebb and flow to it, if she pays attention to how I react when and where she touches me "casually", if she seems excited about me."
This guy gets it.
Is a kiss a good indicator of woman's sexual prowess? Why or why not?
It turns out kissing doesn't provide many clues either for the most part:
"Experience in this regard is inconsistent; good kissers have been lousy in bed, terrible kissers have been fun, and sometimes a bad kisser is just uncomfortable with the whole deal."
"Nope! One of my best lovers was a terrible kisser."
"If she's all tongue right away, or super-hesitant pecking, that's a worrying red flag. But otherwise, like conversation, a nice rhythm of alternating passivity and playful aggression goes a long way. Shows she's into it, and paying attention to what's going on."
Meow!
Others, however, disagreed: "In most cases yes, a good kisser usually has other skills to back up that kiss."
Got a good sex story about a woman surprising you in bed you wanna share?
Boy, did they!
"This one time, I went to bed with a girl for the first time and after we were making out and I was teasing her long enough, she grabbed my penis and pulled it into her. I've never had anything like that. It was amazing and I still think about it often."
"I was with a girl who was very forward about wanting to have sex with me and in talking about sex but when it came to actually hooking up she was suddenly full of a lot of uncomfortable self-consciousness and self-denial that kind of killed it."
"I was having sex with a woman more experienced than I was, and things were going really well, and suddenly she said 'we should take a break.' I was baffled! A break? Right in the middle of sex? So we took a break, had some water and a stretch, made out a bit, and then resumed more or less where we left off, and it turned out she was 100% right. That second half was amazing, and I felt far less worn out after it was all done."
And there you have, ladies. Take note!
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.