You CAN Fall In Love With Giving Blowjobs (Trust Me, I Did)

Like most couples in long-term marriages, our sex life has encountered some serious ups and downs — phrasing! — over the course of our 21 years together.

We’d been in one of those down slumps approximately 2 years ago when I discovered the rich web of slash fan-fiction dedicated to the TV show Supernatural, which I was obsessed with at the time. I couldn’t believe there was so much out there. Even more so, I couldn’t believe how much of it was really good!

I started devouring everything I could get my fingers on. 

Sure, I found some terrible crap, but for the most part, I read a lot of great stories that stimulated both my brain and my lady parts.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I started masturbating like crazy. Total wank fest!

The stories were so hot that I was almost always turned on by something.

The more I read and sought out stories, the more I found newer, hotter stories.

Then I found the ones that were dirrrrty and I was completely hooked.

While reading, I could explore kinks I’d secretly held for years, and I was discovering new kinks I’d never considered at an astonishing rate.

Once I’d been reading for a few months, I got the idea for a story of my own, and soon I was madly writing fan-fiction as well as reading it.

Between all the necessary breaks for frantic self-abuse, I discovered that spending endless hours describing men’s bodies in exquisite, pornographic detail made my husband’s body more and more appealing.

All the time I was detailing the texture, weight, scent, and taste of cocks made me want my husband's more and more.

Up to that point, I’d bought into the lie women are told about how male genitalia are ugly and silly (I could probably write a paper about the sociological reasons for this lie, about an oppressed group seeking power through ridiculing the symbol of that oppression, but I won’t. You’re not here for that. Bring on the dirty stuff!).

Blowjobs had been a chore I did because I loved him, not because I loved it. Writing extensively about them changed all that.

As I wrote more words dedicated to hot, messy, sticky, and delicious blowjobs, I discovered that I suddenly wanted to give one. On purpose! 

Man parts are beautiful and sexy and smooth and velvety. And they feel amazing on my tongue. And they smell good. And…well, I’m a fan!

My preferred porn has always been gay male porn, so I don’t know why it was a surprise to me that I was a huge fan of peen.

After I started writing my own slash-fic, I started to watch porn focusing less on the fucking and more on the oral — and it was hot. Really fucking hot.

Somehow, taking away the power differential that tends to be present in much of the hetero porn I’ve seen, the blowjob became an incredibly sexy act for me (not that power differentials can’t be super-hot when it’s all consensual and desired by everyone involved).

Inspired by my reading, writing, and watching, I started initiating oral on my husband without expectation of it leading to other things, purely because I wanted to do it.

These unsolicited blowjobs made him feel sexy and appreciated, so he started initiating sex with me more often, which in turn made me feel sexy and appreciated.

The best kind of positive feedback loop!

Writing and reading erotic stories also gave me a glimpse into previously unknown to me kinks.

Owning those kinks through the written word helped me to claim them as interests of my own in real life as well, which led to conversations between me and my husband in which I revealed some of my deep, dark thoughts for the first time in our two decade long relationship.

We spent the next 6 months having the best sex we’d had in at least a decade — possibly in our entire marriage.

At that juncture, we both felt safe to share the deepest, darkest married person secret: 'I want to fuck other people." But that's a story for another time.

Truly, I can’t thank those dirty stories enough.

LISTEN NOW: The crew of Life On The Swingset discuss erotica — writing it, reading it, tweeting it, living it — with author Rachel Kramer Bussel.