If You Want To Keep Him Around, Stop Doing These 10 Things
Here are 10 ways you're damaging your own relationship.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/ Shutterstock By Toby Nwazor
I saw a funny write-up some time ago where the relationship needs of women were listed. The list was quite long and included things like, “telling her how beautiful she is, giving her attention, showing her affection, etc”.
The other side of the list which was for men, was almost blank, except for the sentence, “show up naked.”
It was meant to be a joke, but I couldn’t help thinking about it.
Does it mean that men don’t have any expectations in their relationships except for sex?
I beg to differ.
I am a man, and I know we have our own relationship expectations, too.
Most men will not talk about this to their partners, but they really wish their partners would stop doing these things.
If you want to keep him around, stop doing these 10 things:
1. Doubting his dreams
Men want partners who will think that they are very smart, talented, and intelligent, and will support their dreams. They want partners that will be willing to stand by them no matter how crazy their dreams may seem.
No man wants to be around someone who is always scrutinizing his plans and looking down on his dreams.
Most of us share our dreams with our partners before we share them with anyone else. This is because we expect our partner to be our cheerleader who will believe in our dreams against all odds.
2. Finding faults with his flaws
We cannot be perfect every day.
No matter how we try, we can’t help messing up on some days. We really wish to be loving and sensitive, and caring every day, but sometimes we can’t help being human.
Sometimes we forget to take out the trash, and other times we leave our sweaty pants on the bedroom floor after jogging.
That doesn’t mean we are deliberately sitting back, not trying to be a better version of ourselves.
No, it only means that we are still humans and not angels. You can always correct us lovingly, but we hate it when you keep harping about our flaws.
3. Being his mother and scolding him
Sometimes we make mistakes. We could make decisions that prove to be the wrong decision in the long run.
At those times, we feel vulnerable. The last thing we need is to be scolded again and made to feel worse.
One sentence we wish you will never use while talking to us at any time is; “I told you so.”
4. Welcoming him home without a smile
To most of us, life is like a battlefield. We go out with our arsenal of war, expecting to fight the best way we could and win.
We know we are not just fighting for ourselves. Knowing that we are bearing the banner of our whole family makes us stick to our guns and stand strong when the battles seem to be the toughest.
However, we expect our homes to be our haven.
We expect a home to be our place of retreat and comfort where we can release stress. So imagine how disappointed we get when we return and are not greeted with a smile.
5. Smothering him with affection
We are men. We appreciate the fact that you love us, and you want to express your love at any opportunity you get.
As you do that, however, remember that we are not exactly babies. We don’t need you monitoring us or stifling us with attention and care.
We still need you to be loving, but remember that too much of everything is bad.
6. Not trusting him
Remember the point about us being humans and not angels? Let’s say we did something that made you lose your trust; please try and build it up.
We hate having that feeling that our partner doesn’t trust us.
7. Disrespecting him
For most men, disrespect is the worst offense.
Most of us cannot stand a partner who belittles us or speaks to us with disdain. Doing this will make us want to avoid you.
8. Using sex and food as manipulative tools
Most of us don’t joke about food and sex.
We know that you know that, and we don’t expect you to use it against us. We hate it so much when you use these things as grounds to get us to do what we initially didn’t want to do.
We could still do what you wanted at the time being, but we are going to think about it later, and it will definitely make us feel bad.
9. Discouraging him when he wants to do his own thing
Even when married or in a relationship, most men still want to have that feeling of freedom. We still want to go watch the game alone or with other guys. We still want to be able to hang out with our guys once in a while.
We don’t want you to get mad because we didn’t watch the latest Kardashian show with you. We need to spend time alone from time to time, and we hate it when you discourage us from doing it either directly or indirectly.
10. Comparing him unfavorably with other men, especially your Ex
Do you know how you feel when you get compared to other women? We usually feel worse. If you are going to make any comparison at all, make it in such a way that we are the better people.
For instance, we really wish you would stop telling us what your best friend’s husband just did or bought for her. We are competitive in nature, and hearing those things usually makes us feel we are not man enough for you unless we do better.
The worst of these kinds of comparisons is the ones that have to do with sex. Telling us that your ex did it better than we do is one of the worst things you can ever do to us.
Toby Nwazor is a freelance writer and public speaker, and the founder of My Startup Ceo. He has been featured in The Huffington Post, Entrepreneur, The Good Men Project, and more.