Dear Moms Who Hate Me Because I'm A MILF: You're So Insecure
And guess what? #sorrynotsorry
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock The entire idea of being a MILF is beyond absurd to me but I've heard it from enough men (and women) that I feel fairly confident in saying that I am, indeed, a mom you'd like to sleep with.
MILF used to be a term thrown around by men to objectify women but over the years it's become a term used by women to degrade other women. When uttered by a straight woman, MILF is most often a term used to imply that a mother is a show-off, an egotistical brag, conceited, or just basically an all-around b*tch.
A few weeks ago, I was standing outside my daughter's school, waiting for the bell to ring and for her to come bounding out the door. Because I work a day job AND an evening job, I used the half-hour break I have before picking her up from school to go for a quick run. I threw on some stretchy gym shorts and a loose-fitting t-shirt and then ran to her school.
As I stood waiting for her outside of the school, I could hear several moms behind me talking about my ass and how I was "parading it around in those disgustingly tight shorts."
I then heard one of the others say, "We get it, she looks good. It doesn't mean that she needs to show up looking all MILF-y with tight shorts, looking like a brainless bimbo, showing off her ass to everyone who cares to notice that she went to the gym today."
I was floored, but not as floored as I was when I showed up for work in a knee-length black skirt, button-up jacket, and was told by another woman that if I want to be "taken seriously" then I need to stop dressing in a way that shows off my body because the other girls were having a difficult time with the way I looked.
But here's the thing: I never aspired to be a MILF — and I don't really want to be one now.
After having two kids, I realized I had gotten to a point where I wasn't happy with how I looked or how I felt. My body felt heavy, my back hurt, and when I walked past a mirror, I caught a reflection that not only wasn't I proud of but one I didn't even recognize.
Rather than continue to let my self-esteem barrel-roll down a hill, I decided to take charge of my life and do something about my weight.
Getting into shape was never something I did to impress others; I did it to feel better about myself.
And yes, as a by-product of getting in shape, I acquired a cute little body. And sure, I'll admit I don't mind my face but that does NOT automatically mean that I think I'm "hotter" or "better" than you.
Why does the way women feel about themselves automatically mean that they must, in turn, feel a certain way about other women?
You see, I didn't give myself the MILF label; the society around me did. The men that yell it to me on the streets are not much different than the women who whisper about me to their friends, saying, "There's that MILF-y looking mom again ... you know, the one with the short skirt."
What's up with the double standard? Why do we agree that it's not acceptable for men to objectify women by their physique or their clothing but it's acceptable for women to do it to their very own gender?
As women, we defend ourselves against catcallers and sexual harassment by claiming we dress for ourselves and not for the men around us, but then we don't apply that same logic to the way women view other women.
We ladies like to pretend we support each other, but so far I haven't seen that.
What I've seen is a bunch of insecure women who claim to want all their sister-friends to feel beautiful and confident but then when a woman actually starts to feel beautiful, we let our own insecurities creep in and try and knock her down a few pegs. That's really sad.
What exactly is the acceptable level of confidence that we are allowed to have? Who makes this rule? Why am I degraded to the status of "MILF" just because I look good and dress with confidence?
I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that if you're waiting for me to apologize for the way I look or dress, it ain't gonna happen. Personally, I want an apology from some of these school moms for shoving our gender back a few years when it comes to equality ... but honestly, I won't hold my breath.
Or lengthen my skirt, for that matter.