I'm An Occasional Phone Snooper — And Science Says I'm Not Alone
Thanks to past experiences, I just can't help myself.
Branislav Nenin / Shutterstock I used to date a guy who just couldn't keep his hands to himself. But because I loved him and was clearly a fool, I stuck around far longer than I should have.
Not only would he callously share his sexual conquests with me after far too many drinks, but even when he wasn’t cheating, he always had at least a couple girls around as some sort of back-up. His actions had such an effect on me that I’m still recovering.
It was with this particular guy that I was pushed to an unthinkable level of jealousy.
And I can’t even count all the times I snooped through his phone looking for further proof of just how awful he was.
Of course, the proof was there and the madness it drove to me to was so out of this world that on more than a few occasions I’d text these women from his phone telling them to, well, stay away, but with far more colorful language and F-bombs.
When it all came tumbling down and we parted ways, in the most dramatic of screaming matches, he called me out on my snooping and actually told me that only a "psycho" like me would do such a thing.
For a womanizer, he was pretty clueless, because a lot of women snoop and men, too. So there, evil man of my past, you're wrong again!
A study of 13,132 Americans, who are in relationships, found that people snoop around in their partner's phones.
Although only one in five men admit to the behavior, it's the women, at 25 percent, who really get in there looking for some details about what their guy does when she’s not around.
Of the men who admitted to snooping, 25 percent said they were just nosy, while 12 percent were looking for evidence of lies and cheating. Of the ladies, 21 percent did so because they thought they might be in bed with a cheater and 14 percent were looking for lies.
But before we collectively sigh, "Ugh, let's just learn to communicate and trust, OK?" I’d like to point out that the survey found that those looking for proof of dirty deeds found it.
According to the study, more than half of guys found the proof they needed that infidelity was happening and 71 percent of women found the same. Yikes.
But what's worse: Being a snoop or a cheater? While both are a symptom of a broken trust, we can agree physical cheating is far worse.
As a rep from Avast, the security firm that conducted the study, explained, "One may think that people who snoop on their significant other to find evidence of cheating or lying are being paranoid. Unfortunately, the majority of them are not paranoid — their gut feeling is often correct."
Well, they always say go with your gut, whether it's telling you to snoop or eat pizza, right?
Although I'm a far wiser woman than I was when I was with that horrible cheater, I'm still not above some occasional snooping. I'm pretty sure I don't have a cheater on my hands at the moment, but thanks to past experiences, I just can't help myself.
It's probably a bit wrong in this current relationship, but can you ever be too safe when it comes to trusting someone? Personally, I think not.
And if I'm not alone in my snooping, then I’m cool with my snooping. It's like I'm part of club of nosy people, and who doesn’t want to belong to a club? Maybe I'll make all the members t-shirts this weekend. Let me know if you want one.
Editor's Note: This article was originally posted in September 2014 and was updated with the latest information.
Amanda Chatel is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others. Follow her on Twitter or Facebook for more.