Never Ask, Never Tell: What Women Really Think ... Of Your Number
A new study reveals men & women are still lying about their number. Does it even matter?
Thanks to the Sexual Revolution, what behavior was once deemed "promiscuous," is just the way it is. Both men and women are having a good time, getting it on, and the judgments of the past are getting fewer and fewer. But despite this, people still just can't seem to be completely honest about how many people with whom they’ve slept.
A study of university students found that 20 percent of women reduce their number when giving it up to guys. But then there are those ladies, 5 percent of them, who take their number up notch. Archaic thoughts of women and promiscuity be damned! We'll do whom we want and as many as we want!
Men, on the other hand, 22 percent of them, lie about how many people they've hooked up with, and when it came to exaggeration their number, 12 percent of them were guilty of it. Does a certain number make us a better or worse person? I mean, does it really matter how many or how few people we've bedded? Apparently, to some women, it does.
We asked some ladies what they thought of the "numbers" of guys, if they've ever lied about their own number, and if they've ever been judged for the number they gave — whether or not it was a lie.
Meh, who cares about numbers?
"My husband and I don't even know each other's numbers. I don't mind the number I have, but I do sometimes wish that I hadn't slept with some of the dudes I DID sleep with. So it's not that I wish my number were lower, I just wish that it were with different dudes. I don't care what my husband's number is," says Colleen, 30.
"I'm with Colleen on this one. I honestly don't care about how many people someone has slept with. I don't understand why it should matter. (I might be curious to know about how many people they have slept with at once, though — mostly because I'd want all the details)," says Tammy, 33.
"If he wants to know, I'll share. But it's not on my need-to-know list," says Jen, 26.
"I'm firmly 'don't ask, don't tell' when it comes to partner numbers. To me, it's just not a worthwhile conversation; nothing productive can come of it. Talking about numbers sets up both parties for judgment, comparison, and obsession about previous partners. I'd prefer to leave the past in the past (as much as possible, anyway). I never ask and I will never tell.
"I'd like to know if my potential partner is a virgin, as that's not a responsibility I really care to take on at my age. However, I tend to scare virgins (rightly so) so that hasn't been an issue," says Sasha, 28.
But sometimes we inquire, because we’re just straight up curious.
"More often than not, I'm the one asking the guy out of curiosity (especially depending on his prowess). Usually it's after we've already slept together, however, so even if I were turned off by the number, having already done the deed, kind of renders the point moot. The only thing that really embarrasses me about my number is what percentage of them are one-night stands or brief flings," says Natalie, 24.
"I trade in information! I'm always curious about the numbers," says Annaliese, 34.
And here come the "number" liars…
"Okay, I raised my number once as a youngin' so the dude who took my virginity didn't think he was the first…! Bizarre right? And I was young, so it's not like it was weird for me to be a virgin. But anyway, once the number got high, I would lower it and STILL get judgey responses. So now I'm like f*ck it; here's my actual number. If you care, you suck," says Fabel, 25.
"I generally lie about my number, because I've slept with way more people than my boyfriend would be comfortable with — and a lot of them I regret," says "Lupita," 29. (Yes, this source didn't want to use her name, and who doesn't want to be Lupita Nyong'o?)
"Not only have I lied and made my number higher than it, but then I tend to judge guys who have really high numbers. I'm not sure what makes me think I have the right, but it still doesn't stop me," says Courtney, 26.
What's in a number?
"I don't think I would judge someone else by their number. If they're happy, secure in themselves, can learn from their experiences, and move forward, that's important. But if some guy is telling me he's had sex with 50+ people, I'm not gonna lie: I'll be cautious and approach slowly, if not maintain my distance altogether.
"In terms of lying about numbers though, let's all just be honest, please? I feel that's like lying about your profession. It's just kind of pointless, like, why? Just be honest. I think the right people will be open to you and have no expectations or pre-conceived notions," says Monika, 26.
"I try not to judge anyone harshly because of their number, but it DOES say something about a person and their habits," says Becky, 29.
Does your partner's "number" matter to you? Tell us in the comments below.
More from YourTango: