Sex After Marriage: Why That's The Trifecta Of Sexual Pleasure
Think marriage means the death of your sex life? Think again.
[Emily Morse is a celebrity sexpert and host of Sex with Emily, a weekly radio show and top downloaded podcast on iTunes. In 2012, the Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight author starred in Bravo's Miss Advised. Each month, Emily will provide her best tips for a steamy sex life right here on YourTango.]
We've all heard stories about couples who once enjoyed a passionate sex life, but now spend more time wrestling over the remote than bouncing on the bed. Some even avoid sex like dodging a bullet.
Maybe this has happened to you at some point. You sighed and resigned yourself to having sex once in a blue moon because that's just what happens in long-term relationships, right?
Wrong! Sex gets better after the honeymoon ... if you pay attention. Here's how to put in the effort and nurture your sex life so it becomes more pleasing mentally, physically and emotionally—the trifecta of sexual satisfaction.
1. Foreplay all day: The importance of foreplay in a long-term relationship is epic.
Make foreplay a part of your daily routine. Text your partner, "I can't stop thinking about last night," or leave a note on his or her driver's seat about what you'd like to do to them after they get off work. This will create a feeling of anticipation, which is something long-terms relationships desperately lack.
Keep the foreplay going in the bedroom. Spend a day just giving each other oral sex or enjoy some mutual masturbation, which helps you get to know what your partner likes. Sex gets better the longer you've been with someone, not only because you know each others bodies, but also because our preferences and desires change over time. When you have a long-term trusting partner, you can grow together sexually and expand your sexual repertoire.
2. Spend time apart: For some couples, this is the most challenging thing you can do.
You're in love and you want to spend every single waking moment together. Or maybe you have to because you live under the same roof.
Too much togetherness can be a death sentence to your desire. Separation—even for a night or two—will make you two miss each other. After all, absence makes the heart (and your private parts) grow fonder.
3. Mix it up in the bedroom: Even sex can get boring if you're doing the same thing almost every night. And believe me, you haven't tried everything.
If you want to keep it hot, you have to make extra effort in the bedroom. Bring in a sex toy, blindfold, or bondage tape.
Start by communicating about what you want in the bedroom. This can be easier said than done. Some couples have never talked to each other about what they want during sex.
Make it fun and casual by sharing your high school fantasy or take turns talking about your most memorable times having sex together. "Remember that time we had sex on that boat in the Bahamas?" Now you'll know what really 'does it' for them.
4. Plan to have sex: Let's face it. You're probably not having as much sex as you want or you're not enjoying it to its full potential.
You may long for the days of spontaneity you enjoyed when you first met—making love all weekend long, doing it in public restrooms, and not being able to keep your hands off each other. But how's that going for you now?
We are obsessed with planning out everything else in our lives. Why not plan something that will actually help you stay connected to your partner?
Ironically, putting sex on the calendar can make sex even hotter. You'll be anticipating ripping off your partner's clothes all day long.
Remember, you can expect your sex life to stay the same if you don't give it some attention and TLC. Maybe you aren't doing it like bunny rabbits every chance you get; that doesn't mean your sex life is over.
Rather, your sex life evolves with your relationship. You will find new things that please your partner and can change up the things that don't work anymore. When your sex life isn't charged by endless passion, become more intentional about what you want. With honesty and effort, you'll find it.
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