Being Awkward In Bed Actually Brings You CLOSER Together

Think about every love scene you've ever seen on film or read about in a book. The couples are almost always beautiful and seem to be perfectly matched sexually. They automatically know how to send each other into such physical ecstasy that comparisons to fireworks seem tame.

Everything just seems to fit naturally and stay that way, no matter how energetic the endeavor. There's never a hair out of place, no smudged makeup, and, unless it's a comedy, no bad smells.

If you've ever actually had a sexual encounter, you might think something's truly wrong with you if you compare your reality to these fantasy moments. My bed, for example, isn't big enough to roll around in without falling off like some of these couples. I also question where all the arms and legs go while they're rolling around and how no one gets seriously hurt.

I do remember quite clearly the first time a love scene came close to what really might happen when a couple gets physical. The hero and heroine in Judith Krantz's Princess Daisy have just made love for the first time. As they're lying in afterglow, she squeezes out a little fart. She's mortified, but the hero, in his very perfect way, finds it — and her — adorable.

Let's face it; sex can be messy.

All kinds of awkward things can happen when you're getting hot and bothered. Farting and other bodily noises resulting from vigorous activity where air is being compressed in unusual ways can occur at the height of passion. Bad breath, excess sweating, stray bits of toilet paper, an errant hair, or leakage of bodily fluids can all can produce unexpected interruptions and embarrassment.

Sex can also create more concerning situations for one or both of you: a painful position, cramps, someone's hair being painfully pulled, or, the ultimate disaster, one of you being unable to perform in the expected and desired way.

No matter the level of awkwardness or disappointment, how both of you respond says a lot about your relationship, both present and in the future.

For the lesser interruptions, the ability to laugh and say "excuse me" will allow both of you to acknowledge what just happened, but then move back to the intimate moment at hand. For anything more serious, you'll want to address the events in a safe and caring way, preferably at a time when both of you aren't so vulnerable. 

One of the worst things to say when faced with performance problems is, "This has never happened before." While it may be true, it will leave your partner feeling inadequate as a lover. It's also important not to ignore the fact that it happened.

Things happen, or don't, in almost every relationship. There's no need to make more out of it than the situation requires. If it's an ongoing issue, then getting assistance is a loving thing to do, but don't rush to judgment or you will create the outcome you both fear.

It's entirely natural to feel all kinds of embarrassment, confusion, and disappointment about the situation. Many times, laughter or deflection is the default defense in these very personal moments. Unfortunately, this may lead to a negative interpretation by your partner that, left unaddressed, can damage your relationship. They may not see it as a nervous response, but rather as an unfeeling one at their expense when they're most vulnerable.

The best way to respond to performance issues is gently and with respect. Hopefully, if you find yourself in bed together, you already have good feelings for each other. Focusing on those feelings and not the disappointment you're experiencing can turn the situation into a positive one. Showing love by not overanalyzing the moment is an act of intimacy in itself.

If you can manage your own emotional response maturely, you and your partner can learn and grow from this. Allowing each other to feel safe in this uncertain and distressing moment is heroic, and can help you become the perfect partner you've always wanted to be.