How To Give Compliments That Encourage Intimacy

Everyone who's ever been in a relationship knows the power of a good compliment. Like Narcissus in the lake before us, we're more likely to love someone because of the reflection of ourselves we see mirrored in their eyes. Still, flattery can be tricky. Too little and it can make a man crave for intimacy elsewhere. Too much and it can make him a little too cocky. So what can you do?

We asked YourTango expert and dating expert Dina Colado for some advice on how to find that sweet spot that'll make you your man's sanctuary of self-esteem.

1. Don't lie

Flattery may get you everywhere, but false flattery will take you to places you don't want to go. Complimenting men on things that you don't like will just reinforce bad behavior and have him doing it over and over again. However, don't be too harsh in your criticism. Colado explains, "Nothing will make a man jump out of bed faster than saying in a nasty voice, 'Don't do that, do this!" Instead, use positive language like "It turns me on when you tease me with your breath. I know your lips are close to me and it drives me crazy." Focus on what you he can do better, not on what he's doing wrong. And be gentle! You want to caress his ego, not kill it.  

2. Emphasize his masculinity

When you're in bed together, he wants to feel like the only man on the planet. So say things that emphasize just what a masculine force you think he is, like "You are such a good man," "You're so big" (but only if it's true) and "I love it when you hold me in your big, strong arms." You could also say "When I am with you, you make me feel like a woman," because, as Colado notes, "men love women to be women." Just make sure you don't compare him to anyone else, no one wants to feel like their competing with their predecessors.

3. Show your appreciation

When men were asked if they would rather have respect or love, most of them replied, "What's the difference?" Complimenting your man on the unique ways in which he pleases you will make him feel needed and create a rush of affection for you. As Colado writes, "Appreciating your man in bed will keep him coming back for more." Just don't overdo it. If you pay him compliment after compliment, it can start to sound false, and he'll wonder whether you're just humoring him. Instead, pepper your interactions at the appropriate moments, rewarding him for good behavior and making him associate sex with you with that rush of self-esteem that's at the core of intimacy.

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