13 Tips For Dating A Mormon
Got a crush on Mitt Romney, or maybe one of his sons? A few practical tips for dating a Mormon.
It seems that America is going through a bit of a Mormon moment, with Mitt Romney's presidential campaign and "The Book of Mormon" bringing attention to the Latter-Day Saints in popular culture. Chances are you've at least met a Mormon, but what are they like when it comes to dating? One thing we can say is, Mitt Romney's sons aren't altogether unattractive, though unfortunately, they're all married. Here are some practical tips on how to date a Mormon (and I should know, I have a family full of them):
1. Brush up on your competitive board games, like Settlers of Catan.
2. Perfect your Jell-O making skills.
3. Refer to all gay couples as "roommates."
4. For political chicks who want to date a Mormon: Mitt Romney is "that nice man," and Jon Huntsman is a dangerously liberal "Jack Mormon" (this is like being a lapsed Catholic).
5. Your new approved swear words are "flippin'," "dang," "dang it," "gosh dang it."
6. Take up a wholesome outdoor activity, like skiing or hiking.
7. Keep a straight face upon mentions of the Angel Moroni, or Salt Lake City being referred to as Zion.
8. Bring casseroles for your elderly neighbors. In fact, always have a backup casserole ready in case someone breaks their leg and needs a home-cooked meal.
9. Fashion: twinsets, knee-length skirts, scrubbed and smiley. Athletic wear is also okay, but no short shorts or tank tops. Think Stepford Wife who gets out in the fresh air. Look at the BYU.edu homepage (Bringham Young University) and follow the example of anyone featured.
10. Don't Go There topics: Multiple wives and magic underwear jokes are really old, most Mormons will be polite about them, but just don't make them. The mainstream church no longer okays polygamy, and this is a sore subject so steer clear.
11. In fact, to be safe, don't call a Mormon a Mormon... LDS (Latter-Day Saints) is better.
12. And yes, Mormons really aren't supposed to have caffeine, and I wouldn't offer them coffee... but don't point this out if they are eating chocolate or drinking Diet Coke.
13. Lastly, I know the 19-year-old Mormon missionaries can be pretty great looking, but they really don't want to be distracted while they're doing God's work. If you are actually able to distract them, I salute you, but otherwise, wait until they're 21! Not that they'll go to bars with you anyway.
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