10 Secrets Men Keep From Women
OK, enough already. I'm getting annoyed with women writing about what men want from a relationship. In case you haven't figured it out, women don't know men any more than men know women, and if we do know each other, then we don't like the answers.
Yes, men tell women what we think you want to hear because, let's face it, you're going to decide if we're having sex tonight. If you ask us to communicate, we think it's a trap. Women say they want me to be honest, but when men let it rip, women don't like the answers. As I have no personal attachment to anyone on this site, I'm going to let it rip.
Things men tell their buddies that they don't tell their wives and girlfriends.
1. Yes, it's about sex. Men like sex, men like variety. Men like women that enjoy sex, enjoy variety, and are active partners in sex. Discuss: Why do men love sex?
2. A man is less likely to feel romantic if a woman is making his life miserable. If you want to cuddle, don't start a fight over leaving the toilet seat up or not taking out the garbage, Buzzkill.
3. Men are passionate about the things women hate. In general, when men tell you they don't like cartoons, stoner movies, action movies, motorcycles, South Park, sports, firearms, the Simpsons, and ESPN, etc. they are lying so that they can have sex with you.
4. Men don't like women's entertainment. I'd rather eat glass than watch Bridget Jones, but I've watched it for sex.
5. There's only 24 hours in a day. Eight hours of sleep, ten hours at work, two hours commute, 90 minutes at the gym, and 90 minutes cooking, eating, and washing up leaves only one hour each day for "us" or "me" time. Keep your expectations reasonable and share. 10 Ways to Squeeze in More Sex
6. Women have cold hands, feet, butts, and other body parts. Men are not your personal heaters. Warm them or keep them to yourself.
7. A man's willingness to put up with a women's b.s. is directly proportional to how hot they are. Yes, men will kiss a beautiful women's ass for sex, that doesn't mean you're going to get the same treatment.
8. When women say they want to sit down and talk, men hear "I'm pissed." You never want to talk about things we like, like sports, so telling us you want to talk sends us the signal that you want to bring up something that's bothering you. You might fool us once in a while by actually wanting to talk about something the other sex is interested in. Men have to, it's called dating.
9. Men hate dating because we have to lie. Lying isn't fun. We can't wait to be married so we can really tell you how we feel about Bridget Jones. Unless he's a jerk, a man's happiest day is when he no longer has to lie to have sex.
10. Working out doesn't count unless you sweat. We don't want to hear about how tough your yoga class was if all the girls in class are wearing makeup. The Joy of Flex: Exercise Better Together
Discussion
My boyfriend (of 4 years) showed me this page. Unfortunately, he was also laughing loudly as he did so. According to him, this is completely bogus and I can honestly say that he doesn't fit in most if not all of those points (except the really universal ones... I mean everyone knows men like sex and if you treat them like crap, they won't want to cuddle). Then again he's the intellectual type, not the macho sportsy gym guy who likes drugs and south park and cars. Doesn't make him less of a man though.
Either these are complete common sense or just totally off, in his case. I think this article was written in a certain direction, that obviously all men and women cannot relate to. Honestly, I would never date a guy like the one described here.
I guess all guys have to be different, because really, my boyfriend is the EXACT opposite. He sometimes gets agravated when I don't say anything when he does something wrong. Maybe he just wants to be noticed? Well, he even thinks that yes, it is their job to keep us warm. That is weird though. Ps, for all the guys out there. WOMEN ARE NOT MAIDS!!!!
I just threw up a little bit in my mouth reading this. But actually I get the impression that the author has not had that much experience with women. Not real relationship experience. Does any woman actually complain about leaving the toilet seat up? I think most of us have learned to pick our battles, and that's not one worth picking. If our own boyfriend has no interest in warming our hearts or bodies and is *resentful* at being asked or expected to do so, that is a much bigger problem than the toilet seat lid.
This article and a huge majority of the comments just reinforces my belief that relationships are more trouble than they are worth http://www.stuff-about.com/2009/10/6-reasons-to-avoid-relationship.html
Joe Rocket, I think you should pay careful attention to point number 6, it would save you a whole lot of lying, you could have it whenever you want it and with girls who are practised professionals.
I got rotten satire juice all over all over my fancy shoes.
Here's some quality advice for men. The quickest way to have sex with attractive women is to lend them comic books, or discuss the tragically anticlimactic end of Boba Fett in Return of the Jedi. (Thank goodness he's not really dead). This one time, I had sex with a guy just because he said he liked DC better than Marvel. Hey, and did you know Marge Simpson is going to be on the cover of Playboy, how awesome is that? Be sure to slip that one in next time you're hitting on somebody at the bar. Grab a bottle of liquor and toss a Molotov cocktail or two if you really want to make an impression. Or just light yourself on fire. Ladies love flaming men.
Ok, here's my girly list...
1. Yes it is about money! So we will tell you anything to get you to buy that nice dress and shoes we saw at the mall.
2. A woman is less likely to feel romantic if a man is just laying on the couch, farting and all sweaty. if you want sex, get up and go take a shower.
3. Women are passionate about the things men like. Why? Because we have learned that if we show that we like what you do, it is easier to get what we want from you!
4. Women don't really like Sunday afternoon and Monday night football. However, if we act interested we can always get that extra cash from you to go shopping.
5. There is only 24 hours in a day and we women are not your personal maids. We don't get paid for cooking and cleaning up after you. So do your part and help without us having to ask you to.
6. We will take cold feet, hands, butts and everything over sweaty, stinky and ashy feet, hands and butt anyday!
7. A woman's willingness to put up with a man B.S has to do with the fact that we can do a lot with the extra income you bring in, after all it does help us save our own cash while we go otu and spend yours.
8. When a woman say they want to sit down and talk, they are saying that it is time for you to come clean and stop lying about your actions. We already know that you were not out drinking wiht your buddies like you said...so we are just allowing you the chance to come clean.
9. women hate dating because we have to dress to impress you guys and act like a prima donna at dinner, when all we want to do is be ourself. also, we do not know if you will ask us to split the tab or say you forget your wallet at home.
10. you can work out all you want, while we woman like a man with a buff body...it don't count if your body is buff but your attitude is nasty.
Note. No men were harmed in the creation of this list!
I can't relate to any of these on your girly list. Your list is obsessed with money. Wow - submissive much?
It wouldn't occur to me to get my money from a man. Gee, maybe that's why I'm single. I don't live a lie....If you actually believe what you've written then it is quite illuminating to me and also you are helping to fuel a tragic stereotype about women. I hope you attract all those rich men you're looking for.
Wow.
10. Buff body is good but why do people insist on thinking that a buff body means a less than attractive mind?
9. Who says you have to act like anything? I dress like a guy most of the time and wear "maintenance / service industry" wear to work yet men often call me "princess." Your inner essence is who you are - not an act.
8. Er....bit too much information. We get it, you're having problems with your relationship. If I asked for a "talk" it would be because I saw a great film and I wanted to share it or I saw something funny or interesting and wanted to tell my fella about it.
7. Some women do not "put up with b.s." and neither do some men. Why? Ask yourself this: Would you really want to be with someone who you have so little respect for that you refer to their actions as "b.s?"
6. Speak for yourself.
5. Hire a maid. They're quite cheap. Oh, hang on, then (a) what WOULD you do with your time and (b) what would you gripe about? Eh?
4. Some women do like sports - including those you named.
3. That's just silly - refer to #9 in my list.
2. Not all men are as you describe here. Try fishing in a better quality pond.
1. No, dear, it isn't "about money" - not for everybody. Ask yourself this: If you had all the money you ever needed, then, what would your attraction to a man be?
Your list let the women down, indeed.
this is sooooo true!! and funny that someone actually came out and told the truth!! What is really funny is that alot of women get irritated about the toilet seat being left up....witch i used to yell at my brother about , until one day he said, (which makes perfect sence) "why do i have to put it down for you girls to use? you never put it up for me when your done!" from then on i didnt really care , made sence to me, but i have a husband with enough common curtosy to put it down when hes done...andthen again i have five boys who dont...lol.. nice article!!
From a guy who was in a 3 year relationship all I can say is
Wow. This list is freaking dead on. And I'm definitely guilty of number 4. The entire series of Sex in the City. God...
I doubt couples that started as friends first have nearly as many of these issues.
I have spoken to many men in my life being a mental health therapist and I believe that these 10 ways to for men and 10 dislike or any of these scenarios are based on a population that have forgotten what it is like to be a human being.... on the other hand it speaks volumes when we talk about a general population that invites probably only 30% of that populus to make a statment ... many men do not feel that way and they have other things on their mind then sex and conning women to get sex ... so to speak of men in a way that diminishes the character of men and women is not the best way to understand each others because in the end it separates us from each others as human beings... this posting is about how women are so co-dependant on others that they need to belittle themselves to cather to men and men in this posting makes them look like master of selfish behaviours... hows that for a united world??? I belive that humanity has lost the real essence of life and it does not resides in men's pans or women's panties but in the heart and mind of all people, learning to communicate our likes and dislikes to each others and actually be respectful to others around us and most importantly being honest will allow everyone to get their needs met not just sex but other needs as well ... anyways I feel this kind of postings are tasteless because it isn't constructive... I wish you all the best in your life in the hope that one day you find your true self and soar like an eagle.
Have a great day :)
Lol. Q You RULE! Lol Just saw what you had to write. Yah I agree with you. I don't think women reaallly have to be conned into sex either. I mean, women- we have needs to right? Often times I feel like I have to do whatever it is I can to get him in the mood....but I tend to want it "all the time". lol
#2 Just close the toilet when you finish. You don't live in a barn, do you?
My thought is most men don't really have to jump as through as many hoops as they think they do - ha ha! One bitchy chick is really enough to make one guy decide all chicks are "that" way. Maybe if guys chilled out and risked the truth, the reward would be a little greater than they expected.
But I wonder Lyz - did your hesband feel he "had" to watch that movie with you to get laid? Or would you have watched something else and still have been with him anyway if he had said he wasn't really into that type of movie? ;)
I am married and live happily with family.this doesn,t stop me from looking around and making friends with trustworthy and good morals people of both sexes.these relationships must be geared towards improving interrelationships and social welfare.I am a very busy man and do not have enough time to always be on the net,but this doesn,t stop me from keeping in touch with valuable friends.Looking forward to increase my number of friends.
Wow, a very frank articles. I don't like when men feel that they can speak for the entire gender, but this had some truth to it. For a more nuanced take on relationships: www.relationshipbreakup101.com
the truth is that most men fall into a category similar to what this article says. Our genetics make us a certain way. The truth is that most women are attracted to men like this. Women like men. Women may say they want a sensitive caring man but they also want him to be a man. Most women dont want some pushover Dr. Phil impersonator to agree with everything they say. If women were attracted to this they would most likely be lesbian, which is ok too.
Frankly speaking, after seeing some of the comments, there is no right or wrong and there is no point taking any side. I think everyone has the right to comment on their opinion. Men like sex, women like sex too, it is just preference on when or how you want/ like to do it. Foreplay? I think both men and women enjoy it, may not be for all but if the process is fulfilling for both, what’s wrong with foreplay. The key point is just be open and share out what both of you like and don’t like and just try to make it work, he has his fare share of enjoyment and she has hers, there is nothing to debate about it. If you don’t feel satisfied it is not men or women to be penalized, it is you yourself that don’t make it work.
Whatever the author says, it is just his point of view, his side of the secret. I met a guy who nag, who don’t like sport channel, who prefer cooking and cleaning the house, who like to go shopping with his girlfriend, so what and I equally have a lady friend who like to watch sport channel, boxing, climb mountains, enjoying gym, don’t like shopping…come on there is so many different type of personality of people out there, who force you to choose a character that you don’t prefer? So the 10 secret doesn’t speak for all men, it is just the author side of story, his experience in life, other men may be different.
But I would say, it all boils down to striking a balance, a level of tolerance in relationship. I like ghost movies, my x-boy friend like romance movie, but we both like action movies, sometimes I accompany him and he accompanies me, sometimes he goes out with his friends and I go out with mine, no questions ask. Sometimes we just do the activities we both like together; hey you can’t find a perfect match in life, just try to do something that makes both of you happy. I believe in a relationship both sides have to be happy, not just only one side, so what’s wrong with compromising once awhile. Just be truthful at the beginning, no lying needed to please one another. If you are doing something you don’t really like to please her and at the end of the day, she is happy and that makes you happy too, it is not a lie. It is something you are willing to give/ do for her to make her happy and in return makes you happy. If you are not happy and you feel force, then most likely, she is not meant for you anyway. So if it is lying, then it is basically you lying to yourself and not other people, pretending she is OK for you and continue blindly dating. Also, if the author find that he has to lie to himself, to pretend to be someone he is not just to get sex, I would say pity and I don’t think he will marry that woman anyway, after all it is just sex he is looking for, why even bother marrying her and having to live with someone he doesn’t like and kept complaining about her, that is suffering. If it is just purely married for sex, then the marriage wouldn’t work anyway, why waste his and hers time marrying. A sex without a soul is just a game, nice at first but after awhile it becomes bored, that is why the different varieties come into picture. Yet again how long will it last before ones become bored again? Or when age is catching up and appearance fade, how far can lying get you sex?
Bottom line is, the author is basically trying to share out the things he doesn’t like and expect the women would hear his side of story and men will support him. Hey, author writes to get his point approved off right? Else why bother writing at the beginning. Is he hoping that women will understand and change? I don’t know, but don’t expect others to change, hoping others to change is not possible. Change has to come within one own self, that we are hoping to be a better person, always keep complaining about the other party and expecting them to change to suit us is not possible, we are just going back to square one. It is a competitive world out there, you choose people and people choose you, if you are not improving for the better, you are basically just going to be left out, at the end you choose what you want to be.
Katie: Ah, another person who is connected to life and the bigger picture. It is nice to meet you. I think the author is young or just doesn't have much life experience. When I read things like this or hear them, I think: "I am a single woman. There are 6 billion people, roughly ,on this planet with just less them half of them male." "This is another man I can cross of my list of possible romance material." Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha....
Actually I agree that some men lie and are misleading while dating. But the truth reveals itself later and that don't help in a healthy long relationship. That just shows the man is insecure and unable to get sex. However, doing this for sex is not necessary. Some women like sex and don't need the game if you are the manly man. Women are more confident, self reliant and basically can get sex if they want it. Real men with confidence don't need the game and women can figure this out.
Ok i can see this from both sides men thank about sex 250 times a day and a women maybe 1-2 times per day as for my self i thank like a man i would do it all day every day lol my boyfriend is the same . but on to other things i get the point men dont wont to here about what women have to say lol. to tell you men we dont care what you have to say because when we start to talk your thanking about the chick at lives next door or the one at work sex is always a big thing between a man and a women .and when you guys start to talk its always about things that we dont care about lol its always my back herts or i had a bad day at work or my boss is a a** . i am just trying to tell you guys at lest look your women in the eyes and tell her that you love her and shes the one for you things will start to chang .
When did treating each other with kindness and respect disappear! This whole article is depressing. What a negative way to live. Girls will be girls and guys will be guys and that will never change. Why not just enjoy the people in your life :)
Yeah, okay...
First off the bat, I - as a man - disagree with almost all of this as general rules. It may apply to some, but none of this is universal.
So women, if you're looking for a guy who is not driven by sex, keep looking. They exist. And it always depresses me to see that women who aren't interested in much sex thinking that sex is just something you have to deal with when it comes to men.
So rule number one: If he's pestering you for sex all the time when you don't want it, and ESPECIALLY if he's pushing even after you say "no," you're not striking a good balance. First of all, refusing to take your "no" is not just something that happens when he's horny. It's a sign that he doesn't respect what you say. When there is respect in a relationship, your boyfriend won't be pushing you to change your mind about something like that. And if you're never interested, and he's always the one asking, perhaps it's a bad relationship.
Another important fact: There is no universal fact about men, or about women. There are men who love chick flicks, hate sports, etc. Personally, I'm dating a woman who never wears makeup - honestly, I think makeup, however subtle, makes women look like wax sculptures, and it's why most women, supermodels and "everyday" ones alike, tend to repel me.
Another thing: I, as a man, think that physical appearance is only a factor when you haven't met someone yet. Because at that point, physical appearance is the only thing you know about that person. This is true for women and men alike. There are women who initially appear "hot" who I am completely repelled by after knowing them. And there are women who made almost no impression on me at first, who I have ended up in relationships with, and ended up seeing as beautiful. Your understanding of a person's mind changes your perception of her body. And I think the same must go for some women out there. Personally, it isn't about sex, to me. My girlfriend and I have agreed, in fact, not to have sex yet. And I didn't say that with the hope that it was a "phase." I agreed sincerely. Sex has emotional value attached for me, and I don't want to destroy that emotional value by turning sex into a mechanical stimulus response activity.
In case you're wondering about whether this matter is religious, I'm an agnostic/atheist, and she wasn't brought up with any religious beliefs whatsoever.
The point of this is simply that women shouldn't surrender themselves to these rules unless they like men who act like this. A sort of subtle hierarchical sexism passed down through generations still remains, and still leads some women to believe that they are going to have to make sacrifices for men, while men will not need to make sacrifices for women. Let me tell you, if a relationship feels right, nothing is going to feel like a sacrifice. Even if you give something up, you shouldn't be feeling unhappy about it.
I'm not talking about twoo wuv, per se, because I admit that for every women, there are probably multiple men out there who would be great for you, and vice versa. I'm saying that you should feel comfortable passing up men who aren't good, and you should feel comfortable not rushing into relationships. A man who rushes into a relationship and tries to "get to know you" through a ten-minute question-and-answer session doesn't care about who you are. He may come to care, but that is what we call luck. And I'm saying that if you just seize relationships and hope you'll be lucky, you may not be.
And for guys... if you really agree with this article... yes, it's entirely possible to find women who like sports. And moreover, it's possible to find unsentimental women who hate chick flicks and don't cry. Ever. And it's possible to find women who just want sex. Honestly, I'm convinced that just as many women are 100% sex-driven as men. I'm just hoping that both are in smaller number, because we've got too many people on this planet as it is, and could do without people acting like rabbits.
What I find offensive about this article is, first of all, the way it narcissistically talks down to women. And to the men who role their eyes - there are plenty of narcissistic women who write articles like this in reverse. And I find those articles equally boneheaded. I'm the kind of guy who uses the term "bitch" to describe men as well as women, etc. so trust me, I'm not just bashing.
Women, seriously. Unless you find yourself mysteriously turned on by the description of a man who wants lots of sex, likes sports, etc. ignore this article.
As far as men who lie to get sex... I'm sorry, I'm going to break objectivity and even-handedness. No, wait, I can do this civilly. Here we go:
In mating season on the Galapagos Islands, a species of lizard mates out by the shore. Larger males usually get all the women. The way smaller males mate is by pretending to be female (blending in) until they get close enough. Then they jump on top of the woman and "mate." This is a true fact, by the way.
Sorry, guys, that was a metaphor. Figure it out yourselves.
First of all bendmac, you have pegged out the girly meter. You don’t want to have sex with your girl but enjoy watching lizard sex on national geographic. And you don’t love God??? And I will assure you that all the women reading this article right now use makeup. And you just told them that they look like wax sculptures and are repelling? Could this be why you are not scoring?
The author is dead on the money here but in writing the article he just added some humor in there which is something that you obviously are lacking. Don’t cast the first stone yet girly man. You are doing the same thing here. You are using the old guy don’t want sex to eventually get some because guys like you don’t have no game.
Men, by our genetic wiring think about sex all the time. We can’t help it. And I will assure you that the girls are thinking about sex also. They are just more disciplined than we are. Not to mention they all have those little 5 horse power gadgets to get them by when there man is watching lizard sex and not taking care of business. You are starting to move the weird gauge up a few notches also.
The term lying was meant to reference how we all act as someone that we aren’t when we first enter a relationship. That goes for the gals to. You cannot tell me that you have not “pretended” to be interested in something when you started a relationship. That’s what I thought. When we first start a relationship, both sides are on there best behavior. This courtship stage lasts for a few weeks and then we start letting our guard down and the real you starts coming out. Now as far as guys that use fraud to get what they want, that’s a whole different story and I agree with you on this one and only point. Have you watched Bridget Jones more than once? That’s what I thought. Did I mention my girly meter was pegged out?
Now my advice to you is pretty straight forward. Find a bible, turn off the national geographic channel, get off the couch and go service your girlfriend before someone else does. Hopefully the Galapagos Island Lizard has taught you a thing or so.
P.S. Don’t get ill. Just funning with you.
"why you are not scoring." Your attitude will change as you grow up and experience more of life and how people truly are and not what your mates / peers expect of you.
For crying out loud, you sure think you're just the cat's pajamas, don't you? Of course men think about sex all the time--most women do, too. Some, however, actually have a little control in that area. Some actually use discretion, and the head on top of their shoulders.
I am a Christian, and my husband and I made the decision to wait until marriage for sex. Why? Partially for religious reasons, and partially because we both believe it shouldn't be treated lightly. Sex is a big deal, and too many people squander it, then have very little left to give to their life partner (should they ever find one). This did not make him any less of a man, or me any less of a woman. Trust me, those 2 1/2 years were VERY difficult to get through. We made it, and you know what? It's the most awesome thing I've ever done.
And no, neither of us ever pretended to be interested in things we weren't really going for. If we didn't like something the other did, we told each other that, and found things we could both enjoy. Maybe that's why we trust each other so much--we know we can believe what the other person is telling us.
As for getting to know the Bible--yeah, I'd be happy if bendmac did that, because I believe in God and what He says. That's his choice, though, and I think (no offense to bendmac) that his ideas are more Christian than yours. But if you actually read YOUR Bible, specialops, you wouldn't be saying to "find a bible and go service your girlfriend". Have you never heard of the punishment for adultery? Or maybe you would. Who really believes in the Bible these days, anyway? Just pick and choose what you want to follow! God doesn't mind!
You're absolutely right. Anyone who has travelled and met different people knows this is true. In fact, you can just about isolate the author's race, socio-economic level, his age and what he does with his free time. The chap who wrote that 95% of straight men could relate. Once again, someone who is using their small experiences to project a doctrine onto other and expect them to "come down" to their level. Guys, what the author has described is a type of man from a very small area. Let's not forget that life has a way of teaching you and making you give a fig about something beyond your own needs. If you listen well, you too will one day become free from your own self-created attitudes
Let's start with the first sentence: "Yes, men tell women what we think you want to hear because, let's face it, you're going to decide if we're having sex tonight."
He doesn't say, "a lot of men," or, "most men, including me." It continues this way throughout the list.
For instance: "Men don't like women's entertainment." (I know a lot of guys who love chick flicks; my husband is actually very fond of Love Actually, a movie I can't stand.)
"Men are passionate about the things women hate." (First, he's assuming that if a man is passionate about something, it naturally follows that women hate it, which is just stupid. Then, he's assuming that men are passionate about the same things--sports, Nascar, trucks, etc. I know MANY men who couldn't care less about that stuff.)
Shall I continue?
Some stuff is true, of course. But what this guy seems to be assuming is that all men are created identical. They are not, for which I am extremely thankful. Men lie for sex? Many do. So do many women. My husband of 17 months has never lied to me to get sex. He didn't need to. I told him at the beginning of our relationship that I would be honest with him and he could feel free to do the same. I told him that I had made mistakes and that I was sure he had, too, but that I was taking the good with the bad and I wouldn't hold those mistakes against him. I told him that if he wanted to tell me about previous relationships and issues, he was welcome to, but that the decision was his to make, if and when he chose to.
We've been together since 2005. I am still learning about my husband. He talks to me, but when he's comfortable doing so. If I have something serious to discuss, I let him know that, then don't mention it again until he brings it up. He never fails to do so, although I know he doesn't really like it, and will usually put it off until I'm in a good mood, or the lights are out and we can't see each other. That's okay. He DOES talk to me, which is a responsible and caring thing to do. (And it's not even so he can get sex; he knows he can get whatever he wants whenever he wants; I can't resist him even when I'm mad.)
He also makes a deliberate point to wrap his heat-generating body around me when I'm cold, without me even asking.
Also, just to be clear--women like sex, women like variety. Women like men that enjoy sex, enjoy variety, and are active partners in sex.
But it's not just about sex. If it was, my husband would still be married to his ex-wife. Relationships need to be a good mixture of sex and other attributes. You can't just have similar mind interests, or just find each other hot. A fulfilling relationship needs to have attraction to character, attraction to personality, AND attraction to the body. We're designed for all of those things, and I'm happy to say my husband has got it all.
I know a few guys who think exactly like the guy who wrote the article. But I'm so glad I didn't marry one of them. I guess being the only girl with 4 awesome brothers made a difference in who I looked for in a man and who to watch out for..lol. And how this guy isn't a man at all. Mature MEN know how to compromise in any situation,and not just to get sex. That's pretty pathetic. My husband works hard so if he wants a massage and extra things,Hey i'm there for him. When he has a day off and sees I've done what needs to be done with the kids and the home,I get the same from him. You don't need to lie. What females have you been around? I agree with alot of what has been written here,I'm just glad to have been blessed with my husband. It's great to watch the games(football,baseball etc.)with my husband. I'm glad we like alot of the same movies. But it's good to have space,and who said we had to like everything all the time. Being honest(in a nice way)will get you more than you think...
Something tells me this is a satire piece. But as with all satire there is some truth to it. The enlightened woman will already know where that truth exists and the ignorant should try to weed through the humor for the truth.
Some of you guys are taking this way too seriously. I'm gonna go back over to my stupid guy website so I can laugh at idiotic schtuff. In the meantime, you folks enjoy overthinking this stuff.
Maybe it would be good if some men tried a little more thinking and asked themselves why this kind of humor irritates women. Then instead of hanging out together laughing at idiotic stuff they could have relationships with women and, you know, sex.
And maybe it would be good if some of us women thought a little less. Then instead of trying to find the kernel of truth in everything we could just say, yeah, that's insulting and not very funny. The guy who wrote it is probably fairly young. When he grows up a little he won't have such a hard time with women.
Your're right Liz, thats hilarious!!!! I would have cracked up laughing!! however Im wiling to bet that wasn't grounds for divorce because you're smart enough to know comprimise from deciet. Way to go Liz!!!!!
Hey wait!!! Let's thank this guy for lettin us know that there are opinions out here like this, however if I have enough of a connection with a guy to make love I don't think the fact that he likes southpark will do anything to deter that. I'm not looking for my identical twin to settle down with, however real relationships find common ground, and can be happy with that. This guy's a hot mess!!!!!!
I certainly respect anyone's views as we're all different and that's what makes the world go round. But having read this piece I had to laugh at this guys way of thinking. Whether he's at one end of the extreme and I'm at the other, there seems to be some mileage between the way we think. Sure men and women have different interests and think differently but having been divorced for twelve years, I would love to meet a woman that might share interests and come together on both of our ways of thinking. Not to say I haven't meet lots if not hundreds of women during my time alone, but I can count on both hands the number of incredible women I have known, loved, desired and somehow not remained with, becoming a better man because of them. I've learned that sex isn't nearly as wonderful as making love and I still love sports. I know if you care for someone it's because of the connection, it's not to get naked. I enjoy dating and think South Park is pretty stupid, and I'm confident I'm still a man's man!
BookMama Nice list! Pmajidis, great post! Same goes for Qverb! As much as I have made a hobby, not to mention a comedy act out of malebashing....... I have said this over & over again- guys do it to themselves! And this guy is a posterboy case! What credentials does someone have to have to write & submit such dribble?! He is no authority, & to lump all women into a catagory? Seems like a double-standard to me! No wonder I am single! So, if he's going to pretty much LIE to get what he wants, HOW the hell is he expecting to GET to that stage... Or a guy who doesn't want to know about his woman's "plumbing problems" is not someone who I'd want around! If you care for someone you care for every & anything that concerns your mate healthwise! I know that was not on his list, but I am sure he would have went on if some female didn't stop him! Not impressed with this article!
Ten Tips for Men Who Want More Sex:
1. Sex is all about foreplay, staying power, and paying attention to what your partner likes. Women like foreplay. Lots and lots of foreplay. New and different and inventive foreplay. New and different and inventive techniques during sex. Sex that includes your whole body. Mental foreplay that includes lots of compliments. Women like men who take a long time at everything. Women like men who like to make women feel good.
2. A woman is less likely to feel romantic if she has to nag you. If you want to have sex, put down the toilet seat and take out the garbage without being reminded. To increase your chances, cook dinner.
3. Check out the country music song "Girls Lie, Too." It says it better than I can.
4. You could push for a turn watching your shows and still have sex, so long as you've learned principle #1 by heart.
5. One hour isn't long enough to connect emotionally and have a satisfying time in bed (see principle #1). Either come home a little earlier or save it for the weekend. If you really can't get home earlier, find a way to connect emotionally during the day.
6. A great big man like you should be able to warm up a cold woman in your bed.
7. We don't want to sleep with you unless you think we're beautiful. If you compare us to anyone else, we want to be the most beautiful. "You don't have to say you love me" is one thing. You don't want to sleep with me is another. Don't try to lie about this one, just go find someone else.
8. If you take the initiative to talk to us about feelings or life or even politics, we'll be too happy to argue.
9. If the only way you can get sex is to lie, marriage isn't going to change anything. Focus on learning how to put principle #1 into action.
10. Never put down your sweetie when she exercises - exercise makes people healthier, happier, and hornier. Besides, women wear make-up all the time, even when they sweat. Yoga is a lot harder than it looks. And it makes you flexible - you did say you like sex, didn't you?
This is what sucks about being a male. The fact that everything a woman wants we have to change in order accomodate. Or some how its our responsibility.
Complete B.S.!
You like the seat down, we like the seat up... deal with it. You ain't special, nor are you retarded.
We don't complain about the seat being down, you don't have complain... just put it down and shut the hell up.
You want more foreplay? Ok so do we. We want more oral, anal, and then more oral and anal before we penetrate.
Its not my damn job to get you ready before each session. Get off your arse and show some self motivation and get there on your own once in a while. You don't have any issues displaying how independent you are in just about every other facet of life until comes time to lay on your back... save the crap for the sucker you hope to marry.
No I'm not angry, just tired of hearing women's mouths run, and want everything under the sun then when they don't get EVERYTHING they complain. SHADDAP!
The one place where men and women really are different is in bed. Women should be active, too, but most of the time they need things you don't. If you aren't willing to put in the effort to get a woman ready before you have intercourse, you're a bad lover.
Seats up or down is not the most important thing in life. Men should be aware, though, if you want to impress and please a woman, here's a nice simple way to do it.
If you want to have a relationship with a woman, you have to make changes for her. She'll have to make some for you, too, but you need to start with a good attitude about it.
BookMama, you're right but what you've written is what a grown up would say. This man is a troll. He's just fired out a load of codswallop from his experience of being unhappy and not working on himself. He is blame, blame, blame and more blame....And, the scary thing is, he is watching too much porn. That comment about oral, anal, oral anal....That is the product of a constant, easily accessed stream of pornography where women are protrayed as "hole" and since the vagina is the spot where we orgasm (clitoris) it is ignored. There used to be a time when (in the early 70's) where the eroticism and sounds of a woman having an orgasm was the "money shot." Now, I think, because the US is becoming more and more violent and militarised (over the past 20 years) this is reflected in a more hate-filled portrayal of sex. That guy wrote: We want more.... and spoke for a, sadly, large enough group of young men who are being brainwashed to be disconnected from their bodies and what they feel. Now, if you watch the majority of porn, the women are hardly seen but to portray a hole for an angry man to put a penis or some other object. It is very telling that this young man, writes that in place of forplay and before "penetration" he describes two extremely intimate sex act. They are both sex and they are both penetration. On, second thought, I think this guy might just have mild learning difficulties - which puts a more chilling aspect to this post. He is just scary.
I feel sorry for young men who are watching these images and the women who will be, yes, victimised by them. He may never learn how to have to engage in the act of sex just for the feeling of it. I hope he wakes up and sees what he' missing.
Well, this is veering off topic from the original post, but I am really curious. Do women feel like having so much porn is changing guys attitudes about sex? Making them want more quick-to-the-hole sex? Making them pushier about oral and anal sex?
Do men who watch a lot of porn act differently in bed? Have men changed from earlier days? Is porn now really different from porn from twenty or thirty years ago?
Naturally I can't reply for all men, but I really don't think that porn promotes any type of attitude about women, one way or the other. It may serve as a kind of "litmus" test, perhaps if his collection seems to be full of nothing but erotica that is all about degrading women, but even then that may not be an accurate indicator of what he is really like in a relationship.
I can't say if porn is really that different from what was shown 20 or 30 years ago. Perhaps there are more acts being done, perhaps there are more fetishes being shown, but I kinda doubt its really that much worse.
I'd probably say the most telling concern for any woman would be if her man spends an extremely long amout of time each day watching porn. I'll admit to watching a little each night I'm home alone, but I'm talking in th 15 minute range, or just enough time to take care of myself. But I know there are guys who will devote hours to watching it, and that has got to be some kind of flag.
I'm totally with you on this in principle - his post was ham-fisted and you make some very valid counterpoints, but a couple nits:
First, not specific to any of your specific comments, but in general his post is about secrets, not what any guy should actually say. Just as women have theirs, and those can be just as insulting, it's only fair if guys have some.
Okay, on to specifics! (by number):
1. So, I think most enlightened guys get that women want/need all that you mentioned and that we, as caring partners, should be trying to provide. And we've heard it over and over. And over. I think his point is, and one I would make, is that even if we provide all that foreplay, in and out of bed, we also have wants/desires for fun, raw and dirty sex. And some variety. With someone who enjoys it. I've been there a few times; put out a lot of foreplay, was successful in enjoying sex her way and she loved it. But the favor wasn't returned, even though I asked/had conversations about it/shared my feelings. Not uncommon. Makes us feel dirty and used.
2. The Great Toilet Seat Debate. Never got why someone else should be responsible for the preferences of another. Unless the guy is peeing all over the seat there should be no complaints. You're a woman, you're more than capable of checking the seat before you sit. I could easily complain that I have to lift the seat every time I go, so why is your way the right way? But then I learned how to do that at a young age, and how to take care of myself. Yet, I think it's nasty to leave the lid open - it's there for a reason, as people don't need to look into the bowl every time they enter the bathroom. Are we men now expected to lift the lid up for you?
But back to your point: Men are less likely to do things for their partners if they are nagged about it. You want the trash taken out at a specific time? Do it yourself. If he never does anything - say good-bye. Simple as that. If you feel the need to nag, that's a sign.
3. I think both genders need to stop denigrating what the other gender enjoys. You get Danielle Steele, we get Tom Clancy. Different strokes, no judgments.
4. Similar to #3, I don't begrudge my woman watching chick flicks, and even enjoy some myself. And she's suffered through some of the stuff I like, and has surprisingly liked some too. We've never let any of that have any influence on our sex lives. That's just adolescent power playing.
5. If one hour's all you got, how foolish is it to throw it away 'cause it's not enough? If you're dying of thirst would you turn down a sip of water because it's not enough to quench your thirst? Not every sexual encounter needs to be a bonding of the souls. Have a little fun with your guy for that hour and perhaps he'll be more likely to figure out how to string together some more time for more emotional connection. Why does it always seem to be that women feel they should get everything first, and continue getting it until they feel satisfied enough to give back?
6. A great and powerful woman like you should be able to dress smarter, take a warm bath or do a few jumping jacks to warm herself up before inflicting her icy appendages on the man she loves. You want to use me to warm your hands? Then I get a blowjob during the game.
7. Yeah, that's a pretty dickheadish thing for him to say. I'm going to pretend what he meant to say was that your man thinks you're beautiful - at the beginning of the relationship. But don't think that means you can let yourself go. We think you're sexy in your sweats - on a cold morning. If they become your daily wardrobe, then we're less likely to put out any effort to engage your whims. And this goes for men as well - stay groomed and keep the abs guys. And ladies, stop competing against each other. It only causes grief. You are not the most beautiful woman, never will be. But if you take care of yourself and respect us we'll treat you like the goddess we think you are - even if a Playmate enters the room.
8. See, you're missing the point here. Guys don't need or want to talk about feelings, in general. And we hate being ambushed. You ladies have all sorts of drama brewing in your heads until it reaches a point where you have to talk to us about it. We've not been thinking about it at all. We don't bother ourselves with it. It's not to insult you, we just don't function that way. If you want to talk then you have the responsibility to approach us in a fair and considerate way. If we feel ambushed or trapped we'll get defensive and it won't go well. If you want to be heard, talk our language.
And here's the kicker: Men generally don't like to talk all the time. That's a girl thing. And please don't talk during a show or movie, that's just plain rude. I know, you're more important, but is it that important to talk about it right now? If you are still thinking about it in two hours, then we're all ears. Like the rule about whether or not to stress out about something: Will you remember it in a year? Will your life be different in a year? Then it's not worth stressing about.
9. If men were honest about everything from day one we'd probably never get sex. If women were honest from day one they'd probably never get married. Stop wearing make-up and bras and we'll tell you how we really feel. Stop having lots of hot sex when you're dating and instead expect us to do all the foreplay and talking about our feelings and then maybe let us have soul-bonding love-making once a month. Be completely honest with us about what you really want and how the marriage with you will be and we'll return the favor.
10. No one should ever put anyone else down, but he's got a point. Unless you're sweating and almost out of breath you're not exercising. And yes, yoga is very hard - but done right it also makes you sweat and breathe hard. The point is, being at the gym for an hour doesn't mean you worked out for an hour.
What? So men only want sex and women only want marriage? I guess that's what's happening out in the sticks, eh?
This is the nicest guy on the board. Efficient, to the point and well written.
A couple of nits? :-)
Keep in mind that I was responding to a guy who talked about lying to get sex and wrote a long list of complaints about women. In real life, I take my turn watching action movies and sports and I don't nag (mostly because it doesn't work). I know that most men do understand about foreplay, etc. I'm just asking why this particular guy writes that he needs to lie and do everything a woman wants to get sex. Women do like sex.
The serious male-female issues you raise:
1) Foreplay - There are times women want to go fast, too. On the other hand, I've never understood the argument that women should compromise and go fast sometimes. If the equipment doesn't work that way, the sex is just going to be bad.
2) Toilet Seats - I've entered the great toilet seat debate elsewhere on this site, but fundamentally, I don't think it's really such a big issue. No bigger than whiskers in the sink or dishes left on the table anyway. It really gets everyone riled up though.
3) Talking about Feelings - I know that many men don't want to do this. The problem is that many women really need to. I think this is one area where both sides have to compromise. Learning to listen to women and just be sympathetic goes a long way in male-female relationships. Seriously, if you don't do it or at least try to, a woman isn't going to feel like you love her and the relationship isn't going to last. Learning to let a guy not talk about his feelings - well, I'm still working on it (after many, many years of marriage).
4) Foot warming - okay, this isn't a biggie, but men have cold feet, too. Be nice and sometimes the favor will be returned.
5) Honest - it's natural to try to put your best foot forward and avoid conflict when you're first getting to know each other. Somewhere along the way you have to be more honest. I don't believe that men just want sex and women want love/marriage and it's a trade-off. I think most men do want to be married.
While I don't agree with a lot of what you've got here, Paradym, this is still a far more objective, far more open form of communicating how a lot of men really do feel. I may not be like this, but I know that is me.
A list like this allows for a more productive form of discussion and is still "bald" enough to get the point across without completely alienating members of both sexes.
I don't think this guy knows how to be real with any kind of woman...in fact...his rules are for boys, not men.
A guy who sports a Nome de plume such as Joe Rocket? Sounds like serious over compensation in the trouser department which may explain the subterfuge he feels he needs to put out when interacting with a woman.
If a guy says he doesn't like any of the things about like south park, guns, or movies where stuff blows up...he's a total liar and I real tool of a girl would believe him! And put up with our BS!? Please...woman can be mercurial at times...I will give up that point but...but nothing compared to capricious a-holes like this 2D whackadoodle we woman have to wade through to meet real men.
I absolutely love how women get to break it down as to what "real men" are. Unless you've been how the hell do you know?
Because we can tell the difference between a boy and a man by their words and behaviour. The author is a boy or a young, inexperienced "man".
A real man is someone true to himself and not living life by a stereotype placed upon him by others. The same for a real woman.
You are spending a lot of time hating women when you ought to be working on yourself. Looking outward won't bring you what you want in life. You have to know what is inside of you and then you will know that you are just like women. There are little differences. What you expect is what you get in life. I expect men to behave like respectful human beings and that is what they show me. I used to expect them to all be cruel and ready to reject me and that is what I got in life. Tis the same for you and every single person on this planet.
Perhaps I'm just crazy, but I'm thankful for this information. It's true of most men. I'm glad that at least one had the courage to be honest enough to tell the truth about how men really feel about us in general.
I understand that not all men are this way, but unfortunately they are few and very, very far between. Most women will meet the one that fall into this category, this is sad.
I'd like to also thank the two men that had the maturity to let this community know that there are some men that don't view women as vessels for orgasmic release without anything else to offer. Thank you so much for thinking that women are human, worthy of value, honor and respect.
After reading this, I now know that my decision to remain alone was correct.
No personal attachment to anyone on this site? I'd be shocked if you a personal attachment to anyone wtih this attitude. I appreciate that this is your opinion, but it's wholly unfair for you to blanket women and men with these statements of nagging and accusing us of watching bridget jones. I, myself, would rather gouge my eyes out with a hot spoon than be forced to watch a romantic anything, I'll take my anime and hentai, and who wants to be with a loser who can't remember to put the seat down? I have a child, don't want to raise another one, thank you! Maybe Symian should make a list of 10 reasons women hate whiny men who put sex first and lie to women because they possess no quality worthy of a real woman's time.
It might have been funnier (read: funny) had it not been so belittling and condecending. There's a fine line between offensive funny, and just plain offensive.
Somehow the only one that really bugged me was principle #7 - we'll put up with a lot for a beautiful woman, but don't expect to be treated as well as that. So I guess if a guy won't put up with a lot for us, he doesn't think we're beautiful?
If a guy isn't treating you like he thinks you're beautiful, dump him.
I am still pondering the 10 secrets women keep from men - what are they?
Vow!!!! Talk about an angry person who doesn't really know what it means to really LIKE women. I hate to say this, but I began reading your article expecting some real insight, and finished reading it in a state of shock and anger. If you have had negative experiences with women, it's very obvious. You are either angry at them (i.e. at someone you think they all represent), or you are just angry and don't realize you are taking it out on those around you, including women. I rarely ever say this to anyone, but your comments are not only not representative of men, but grossly misrepresent men and I hope the men and women reading this don't think the author in any way represents more than a subset of men (and women) who need further soul searching and inner work to be able to live, and grow, with others in peace without self-denial.
Why do the differences between men and women have to make us angry? well, they don't. Why not realize that just as our anatomy is different our brains and minds are different...in case of anatomy we want to "eat" each other, why wouldn't be natural to "eat" each other's minds as well? Why is a woman's anatomy so exciting despite being different, and yet her mind is an apparent source of anger and hatred (as this article seems to suggest)? Hmmmm...Can a person really even enjoy the company of (or sex with) a woman carrying such anger and disregard for her? I can't imagine it.
I felt compelled to write my comment largely because I realized after reading this article how problems between men and women originate or persist...I would not be surprised if a woman reading this article would read this article, and then, unconsciously, form expectations about the existing or new men in her life...I also wouldn't be surprised if a man reading this article would be cheated out of personal growth because he was misled to believe his current attitudes about women might somehow be a result of something about him that he can't change..i.e. being a man!!....This article is a great example of how stereotypes (which are always wrong and misleading, with only a kernel of truth sometimes) are born and propagated without anyone really noticing it, or noticing how it affects them.
I hope the author will continue to search his soul (and that of men NOT in his current circles, and some books perhaps) to see that his misinformation not only is robbing him of a more fulfilling life, but can also tragically mislead others into robbing themselves of a fulfilling life.
I'd love to know what everyone thinks...and by the way, Qverb, I am so glad you took the time to write...
Wow...the longer I'm on here the less I feel like I'm part of NO-MAM (I really do miss "Married with Children) or the He-Man Woman Hater's Club.
I'll agree that there are a lot of men out there with this mind set, but I venture a guess that there are a lot of men out there just shaking their heads at this rant while chuckling (and yes, they're straight.
Maybe I'm just a lucky guy who has never had to lie, con, hustle, or be anything other than myself to get sex. If I don't want to see a certain movie then I tell her so. Its not a judgement of her and doesn't cut-off the possibility of sex later that night.
I actually prefer to take the time to talk with my woman so that we can resolve whatever issue it is that has come up, which means that I'll ask for the talk on occasion. Call me crazy but I guess its my way of showing love and providing support while nurturing our relationship.
Funny...when I actually declare the things I love to do and watch I tend to hear her agreeing to upwards of 90% of it...and I don't make any of it up to try to please her!
Call me crazy, but a bitchy hot chick is just too much hassle, grief, and stress. The bitchy-ness tends to take away from the hot-ness anyway.
Well, I think you get the general idea...your list was funny Joe, but don't lump us all into your idea of what is manly...otherwise I might start thinking this is funny in a, "wow, this strange looking growth in the plastic container thats been in the back of the fridge for a year is starting to smell funny" kind of funny.
