Q&A With Cold Case's Kathryn Morris

Kathryn Morris has made movies with Tom Cruise (Minority Report) and Ben Affleck (Paycheck), but her private costar is a civilian, financial advisor Randy Hamilton. At 37, the Cincinnati-born actress, who spent much of her youth traveling with her family in a gospel-singing group, is settling down. “The one thing I’ve learned is that no one under 30 has any business getting married,” she says. The things “those little old ladies at the beauty shop” told her about lasting romance when she was young are true, too: “You have to want the same things, be good friends, and love and respect each other. An aunt of mine once said, ‘Well, you know, the sex stuff goes away. Don’t worry about that. It’s really about companionship, deep respect, and who’s gonna be with you through the tough stuff and still be able to laugh with you.’”

As Morris built an acting career that included a brief stint as the villainous-yet-vulnerable Najara on Xena: Warrior Princess, she found she intimidated some men. “I was always very driven and clear about who I was and where I was going,” she recalls. “In my early to mid-twenties, that was tough. There were times when I outgrew somebody.” And she believes that part of her generation’s gender struggle is in the timing: “Men in our generation are going through this period where they are in their late thirties and they think that their whole life is over: ‘Oh my God, I’m gonna have to just settle down with a supermodel.’ Suddenly they become Picket-Fence Guy, just like that.

“All my buddies tell me it’s not about the right woman, it’s about the right timing. I think it can be both. Men think that their lives are over [when they get married], but women are pretty fantastic right now. They’re not asking to be taken care of. They’re pretty independent.” With her show taking off, and with Hamilton (“I grew up with aluminum siding on my house; he grew up with aluminum siding on his house”) to come home to, Morris’s biggest challenge may be one a lot of independent women can relate to: simply finding the time to get married.

Kathryn Morris

Occupation: Actress
Age: 37
Birthplace: Cincinnati, Ohio
Education: Temple University, Philadelphia, PA
Status: Engaged
Catch her on: CBS’s Cold Case, Sunday 8 p.m.

Biggest difference between men and women?
Men really mean what they’re saying. You can pretty much take it at face value. It’s a yes or it’s a no. Either you won or you lost. “You’re gonna sleep with me or you’re not.” Women are all about the gray area. We love to roll around in the gray areas.

Most unselfish act in a relationship?
My college boyfriend was like, “Wow, you really know what you want to do with your life. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.” I said, “What are you really passionate about?” He said,“You know, I always really wanted to be in the Peace Corps.” So I said, “Well, why don’t you apply?” So he applied, and then three weeks later he was gone.

Craziest thing you ever did for love?
I changed my whole life after a conversation on the sidewalk. I just said, “That’s it.” I knew that my life would never be the same.

Biggest complaint about men?
I love men. What does frustrate me is that there seem to be so many options in American culture for men. I think it’s become a tough time for guys, in that they are looking for something better for years. I wish they would realize that the better thing is often right down the street. I worry about some men—they should just get over themselves.

“I’m a sucker for _____”?
A funny guy with a great ass. I can think of one relationship in particular where his great ass kept me in the relationship for a lot longer than I probably should have been. I have a weakness for Italian and Latin men. A few blondies have snuck in there that are favorites. Ewan McGregor is awfully hot.
Advice for men on “women and the bedroom”?
If you make a woman feel beautiful from the moment she wakes up—by the way you treat her, talk about her, refer to her, look at her, and take her in—then everything else will work out in the bedroom. When you make it all about her, then it becomes all about you.
Quote to love by?
Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. You need to love them for who they are today. Don’t get into remodeling.Is there such a thing as “the One”?
I think there are probably a couple of “Ones.” I believe there are people you are supposed to know for certain reasons. And wouldn’t it be great to find the most right “One” for you?Does chemistry have to be immediate?
Yes and no. You can have chemistry with a person and not realize it until later, but it is instantaneous. There are a lot of possible chemical reactions—you can have chemistry with a lot of actors, but it doesn’t mean you have to screw them on location. Everybody thinks you have to pursue whatever it is. You might work beautifully together, but in real life have nothing to talk about at lunch.Valentine’s Day—love it or hate it?
I love Valentine’s Day. But I hate the very official Valentine’s dinner and the chocolate-covered strawberries. For someone to remember that on the first date he loved a king-size Snickers bar, and to wrap it in red paper—that’s way more romantic. I hate the way romance has to cost so much money these days.

Flowers or candy?
Candy. I have cats, so the flowers are just going to get chewed up. I love flowers—outside.

Guilty-pleasure love song?
“With or Without You,” by U2.

Relationship role models?
Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw. When I got to work with him, I witnessed their great friendship, respect, and deep love. You can tell that the love started with them and the family radiated from that.

“I feel sexiest when _____”?
When I wake up on a Saturday morning, roll out of bed, and my hair happens to look fantastic. Next to that—putting on a badass pair of Nancy Sinatra-ish boots.

Keep a bit of mystery or be totally honest?
All great women need to keep a little mystery. I think you ruin it for men when you don’t hold a little mystery back. Let the man put you on a pedestal, because he really would like to—it’s part of the game. Let them be the hunters. Get over it!

Best compliment from a lover?
That I have a real “cheetah” quality.

What’s more important long term—chemistry or friendship?
Chemical friendship. You gotta have some heat when you’re playing Scrabble, when you’re in the old folks’ home. You have to be able to look into each other’s eyes and know it’s going on.