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What to do when you find you are the "Other woman"?

Published on February 7, 2013 by kimierin

I few weeks back I finally found out I am the other woman, here is the complete story: I met my BF a couple years ago though Craiglists. It was supposed to be a casual relationship but we became exclusive (to his petition) and our relationship developed. We used to live in the same city, and both have demanding jobs, so meeting in my apartment was not difficult (and became easier for me). He never let me go to his apartment arguing he was not allowed to have visitors, and though I knew it was a stupid excuse I thought that a guy who is willing to show up at your apartment at 3 in the morning at our request and spend days with you couldn't be laying about his marital status (or if I was the wife I would have concerns). He told me he had a roommate and that I couldn't meet him either because this guy could be mean to women and could offend me. I believed all that crap because I was already truly in love. We used to spend 2 days a week together and text all the time. He told me that his last relationship ended 6 months before we met, and that his sex life was dead long before that. That his "ex-girlfriend" had never had an orgasm and that kinda screwed everything. He used to mention a lot that he hated when relationships ended in two people being just roommates. After about a year of dating, we opened a bank account together and he started collecting all my mail and stuff at his apartment (another sign a wife/ GF would be upset about) and I left town with the promise that I would come back in a year and that we would live together as soon as he got out of the debt he once got with his ex. We still continued to chat all the time and our relatioship became stroger. Last January he took a 10 hr flight (and 10 days worth of hotel, food and other things a trip bring along) to visit me after 6 months of being apart. He even met my family during this trip. Unfortunately somewhere during his visit,I find out (through a Facebook profile picture) that his "roommate" what that exact person he calls "ex-girlfriend". I was of course upset but felt even worse to myself that even all te signs I just didn't want to see it before. I try to convince myself that he did it to protect me because I had been through the same not long before I met him (my first boyfriend had a pregnant wife waiting for him in his hometown), that our relationship is true and he really wants to be with me, and that there is really nothing going on between his ex and him, as he told me tons of times. I knew they would go out together every now and then, and now I know that is way more often since all the activities he used to do with his "roommate" were with her. I don't have the courage to confront him, particularly because we are in a long distance relationship at the moment and there is a lot going on in my life right now. We are waiting for each other anyways so I wouldn't like to screw it if he is willing to be with me in 6 months, but I also don't want to be wasting my time being just the other woman. What can I do? Is there a future in there? Should I start looking for someone else and let this man to stay with his "roommate"?

ANSWERS

This is major deception on his part - not just a little white lie ("No, honey - that dress doesn't make you look fat") everyone tells from time to time to keep the peace. He cheated on his girlfriend and lied to you to trick you into doing it. Ditch him and be glad to be rid of this scum.

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