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What if I don't want to marry him but still want to date him?

Published on December 28, 2012 by anniemahoney

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half and we've known each other for more than two years. The other day he asked me to marry him, he was really sweet about it too! I felt really bad when I told him no. I feel like I hurt his feelings. He doesn't bring it up but I feel like I hurt his feelings. I love him very much and I trust him completely, I feel like we have a great relationship, but I feel like we're too young and we've only been dating for a little while. I've been thinking about it over and thought maybe it isn't a bad idea to marry him. I feel safe when I'm with him I think I'm just being a coward because my parents relationship ended in divorce. I never thought I would fall in love like I've fallen with him. Even though I love him to death, I'm scared things will end like my parents relationship. We have a long distance relationship because he has to travel often and I think with marriage it would bring us closer together. I just don't know if I'm jumping into this too quickly.

ANSWERS

On January 3, 2013, tanstaafl2 said:

Don't marry because you want (or think you need) to be married - marry because you want to be married TO HIM specifically. Also don't marry if you're doing it out of any sense of trying to "save" a relationship.

If you would otherwise want to marry this man, do not let your parents' divorce scare you off. Sometimes you learn from your parents' examples, sometimes you learn from their mistakes, but you always learn from their experiences (and do a better job yourself because of it).

Sadly, saying "No" to a marriage proposal pretty much ends the relationship. Fortunately, your refusal seems to have been more of "Not yet" rather than "No". If you told him "no" because you feel you are too young and have not dated for long enough (and assuming that you could see yourself confidantly wanting to marry him if you did date for anoth year or two before becoming engaged), then tell him exactly that. You love him, and you think that you might want to marry him, but that you aren't ready yet.

Good luck

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