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Relationshp

Published on December 4, 2012 by jozee

I have been seeing a woman for 3 years. We get along great but we hav had some bad times. She has done Had sex with 2 men at the sane time before I knew her She was married for 16 years. She had a sex buddy for 10 of the 16 years She had an affair with a neighbor when she was married She had an affair with me when she was married She has called me other mens names during sex She used to flirt with on her men in front of me but has stopped that. Told my friends that the best sex she had was on a boat. Unfortunately I don't have a boat. French kissed my friend in a bar in front of me and it was the first time she met him. It was his birthday. She invited me to a work party, ignored me and spent all of her time talking to the guy she had the 10 year affair with. That's just some of my issues. She tells me she loves me more than she has ever loved anyone and wants only me...

Am I an idiot to stay with her?

ANSWERS

Intellectually, of course, the answer is yes.

But emotionally, you keep saying no. My guess is that you keep thinking that your love will change her. That she's been misunderstood in the past, and if you try a little harder, you can finally win her forever.

She keeps you hooked by saying sweet things to you. That's what narcissists do. I'm sorry; she has a severe character defect. She's had it all of her life. There's nothing you -- or anyone else -- can do for her. In fact, if you really love her, the best thing you can do is walk away so that she can feel the pain and finally go in for the in-depth counseling she needs.

That's some tough talk. Vette Girl. I neglected to list the many great things I have experienced with her. I'd like to have a long talk and describe my feelings to her. The few things I have pointed out to her she has never done again. I'm 58. She is 48.

Still an idiot?

Jozee,

You're over 18 and you can do whatever you like with your life.

I work with abuse victims and I hear the same words in your post that I hear from them.

It is wonderful when they finally break free. At first they are terrified. They worry that won't be able to make it alone. They are nervous about their partner's anger. They fear they'll go back to the relationship. But after a few months, the anxiety and stress diminish. The fear and mistrust disappear. The creativity and strength and happiness return. They smile more. Their step is lively and confident. There is a sparkle in their eyes.

They no longer torment themselves with unworkable relationship. It's fantastic to watch all of their family members cheer. Their children are proud and everyone gains a new level of self-respect.

Good luck to you, whatever you choose. I just know I couldn't live with a serial cheater.

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