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Give Advice: How Do You Survive A Long-Distance Relationship?

Published on January 11, 2010 by yourtango

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Do you know anyone who has? How do you make it work? Tell us your stories and tips.

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I was in an LDR for three years--I lived in NYC and he was in DC. Over time we found that if we went over two weeks without seeing each other we'd lose something essential--some feeling of connection, a closeness that you can only get when you're physically together. We talked on the phone every night before going to sleep, and the distance probably helped our conversation skills, but it wasn't the same as seeing each other.

I know it's not possible to do that with all LDRs--the one in Dear John, for example--they don't even have the power to decide when they see each other. I think that kind of relationship would be much harder.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

My boyfriend and I are going on a year together now, and 7 months of that was long distance. We met online, and he is in Mississippi, I am in Oregon. He came to visit me twice before moving here for 5 months last june. Due to the economy, and our living situation (we were living with my father and his pregnant wife) my boyfriend went back to MS in Novemember to try and establish a life for us there. Until then, we are back to long distance.

It's harder after being with them physically, definitely. Due to his new phone plan, we are no longer able to talk on the phone every night like we used to. We used to communicate on MSN messenger with web cams, but his hard drive died and he hasn't been abe to get a new one yet. So our communication is narrowed down to texting which makes it incredibly hard. As many times as I have thought about quiting and finding someone else here, I love him. It's how I deal. Bottom line, you do what you have to for the ones you love.

there was a time in my life where we were both so busy, that being in a LDR had its benefits and while the time together was very limited (he was overseas), it was focused, quality time. in fact, some of the best conversations we have had were when we were far apart b/c we put more effort into our phone calls and when we were together for wkds, etc., we didn't get as distracted by work and other things as we did when we were together full time. we also went to great lengths to email and stay in close touch - certainly lots more "love letters" than we have otherwise exchanged - so there was a sweetness and a romance that in many ways, made us closer. that said, when he had to leave for the airport on a sunday night, it was absolutely brutal - just heartbreaking to have to say good bye knowing it would be months before we were together again.

I'm eager to see people's responses to this. I've been in two long-distance relationships, both when I was going to school in Boston. One of them lived in Alabama, and the brief moments we had shared together weren't enough to sustain things. Though I considered moving out there after college, he eventually found someone closer to home. The other one was in Tennessee. He spent a summer in Boston, during which we were inseparable. When he went back home, it was painful to say goodbye. We kept in touch, but being in touch wasn't enough, and neither of us had the money to travel back forth. So it ended the same way the other one had. Part of me still wonders what-if when I think of them. But the other part of me wonders if I chose men who were mostly unavailable because I was afraid of real intimacy. ::sigh::

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