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Friends with benefits?

Published on August 10, 2009 by atlguy39

I'm recently divorced and probably not in a place for a new relationship. However, I've always been a relationship type of guy. So how do I play the field and have some no strings attached sex? I think thats what I need right now as a confidence builder, if nothing else. Any ideas?

ANSWERS

I can't help you with that. But I do wonder if this is really the right approach? Is going out and bagging a bunch of ladies really going to help your confidence or is it going to distract from bigger issues that you are going to have to deal with once you get into a relationship?

Lyz, I get your point. Let me say that I'm not looking for a bunch of ladies. I can't juggle like that. So ideally, it would be one for a mutually agreed upon rebound sort of fling (maybe she would be just out of a relationship too). I think thats all I need to just know that women are still interested in me. As for the issues that led to my divorce, I have been dealing with them and learning a lot. I know I'll be a much better partner for the next woman I get serious about.

Just be upfront with the women you meet that you aren't looking for anything serious. There are plenty out there who are on the same page. Just flirting and dating around will be a good confidence booster, I don't think you need to take it as far as sex. After all, sex will most certainly complicate things more. She may develop feelings for you that you can't reciprocate. Just be casual and relaxed about it. Don't make meaningless sex the goal, rather the perk.

I think that's the best type of relationship (for me anyway). It involves fun, food, sex, laughs and take your ass home at the end of the night. As long as you're up front in the VERY beginning (like, the night you meet, but before your second drink together) and she wants the same thing, go for it. People crave attention from other people, especially after a major life event. Also, make sure you're honest with yourself about what you're really looking for. I met a man in your sitution once, and he swore up and down he just wanted to be FWB. After I spent the night at his house the first time, he woke up calling me sweetie and darling and "wasn't tha wonderful? We could be together... blah blah blah", he'd probably never seen a woman run from his house so fast. He had just finished his divoce and I surmise he thought that's what he wanted, but he wanted more. Not saying that is the case with you. Be honest and upfront and you'll find someone who wants the same things as you.

Sounds like you are already pretty much in the right zone for what you are asking about. My one addition to what Symian and Julie are saying is to be careful about how you treat these psuedo relationships. They will still require honest and open communication, and one of the pitfalls in them is that one partner or the other can start to develop deeper feelings, especially if you tend to act more like a couple than just being FWB. Be gentle with the ladies that start wanting more than you when you let them down and be ready for the ladies that you start feeling more for to not be in the same place as you.

Otherwise, approach it the same way you would any other dating experience. Be upfront about what you can really handle right now and have fun!

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