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COMMUNICATION

Published on June 12, 2013 by caramela

My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 and half years, butfor the past year i've noticed that he is very selective of what he listens too, and sometimes when i'm talking to him he doesnt even let me finish what iam saying or when he does,he diverts his attention to something else and even when i stop talking he wont even realise that i didnt finish what i was saying.i've brought up this matter before more than twice but he always makes excusses. could it be that he's no longer interested in us.?

ANSWERS

It is neither a "Male thing or Female thing" regarding raising ones Communication skills. Someone gave me this paper 7 months ago, it reads this :

We want to be heard and listened to bu we don't always "concentrate" on listening to others. We focus on our agenda than on the other person's concerns or issues. Apply "Active Listening": what is the difference between listening and "Active" listening? Listening , we do with our ears; "Active Listening" we do with our entire head: the ears for listening,the brain for processing and eyes for showing attention, the mouth for repeating back what is heard and the face for expression.

We want some sort of action or response from another person. However, we don't let them know what we really want or how to achieve it. Before assuming the other person knows what you want ,first INFORM and then ask for feedback.

In a nutshell we "ALL" come with "FILTERS" and not all of us challenge our own filters periodically to become better communicators. Mutual agreements can be agreed upon but not everyone wants to be lectured if someone is giving feedback. It could be wrong timing, the tone used, rhetorical and not direct, or its simply the person your talking to never learned these skills above. I have a friend who is a thug and his mother is a teacher, the women in his life sometimes have tried to make him appear as if he doesn't hear what they are trying to tell him but he aptly applies "because your not even speaking proper English or using proper grammar(something to that extent)" It is totally hilarious which goes to show some women can have a point they are trying to express but if they are using double negatives and improper verbiage the message gets lost in translation...lol (not saying this occurred) But try to print "Hearing and listening communication skills" off of the internet and sit with him to see if you both are hearing the same thing. Just don't come off like your a teacher if you don't speak proper English...lol, Good luck

Also a good point is to remember "some people can't write correct English" so it behooves me to understand how they think they can communicate effectively. In this day of texting many people opt for slang and the "you know what I'm saying" catch phrases when people really are not even remotely paying attention. Its always important to ask a person " Do you have a moment to talk?" and make it a two way conversation. Its positive to suggest nothing from the past comes in to sideline the convo if one person keeps bringing up something old. In the end always "AGREE to disagree without being in disagreement over EVERYTHING" because over-all some BS is about control, and 5 years from now it wont make a difference

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