As a relationship Coach, I work with a lot of women all over the world and I’ve helped countless women transform their relationships with the men in their lives. Now I’m not talking about just significant others and spouses, either. I’m talking about fathers, sons, peers, etc.
The primary issue is that so many incredible, beautiful and extremely intelligent women simply don’t understand men very well and as a result, they not only fail to bring out the very best in them, they often end up seeing them at their worst. I submit to you that some key INFORMATION can prevent all this from happening and create a whole new understanding for all of us. The problem is – without this game-changing information – misinformation leads to misunderstanding and ends up at mistrust. Not a very solid foundation for a deep and lasting relationship, is it?
Why is this?
Simply put, we all navigate the world through our own set of filters and we interpret meaning through those filters. These filters tend to skew information based on our own biases/past experiences or what I like to call our preferences and references. This also includes things we’ve been told to be true by authorities or sources we trust like our parents, friends, the media, etc.
As I said, we all interpret the world through our filters – and one of the primary places we get stuck is in the masculine versus feminine filter. Now this works both ways. Men who try to understand women only through their own masculine filters often end up confused and clueless. Women often get more frustrated, angry or hurt when they try to understand masculine energy. That’s because of how we process information.
H.I.S. vs. H.E.R.S.™
Masculine energy navigates the world entirely differently than feminine...which is really the root of the issue. Now neither masculine or feminine is BETTER – they’re simply DIFFERENT – and they’re designed to work TOGETHER perfectly. Think of these 2 energies like a GPS system for navigating the world. Masculine energy is analytical and logical. It’s about solving problems and taking action. It’s about aggression and protection. It’s about providing and making things happen. I like to think of it this way: H.I.S.™ stands for Human Intellectual System because it’s about figuring out how to fix things or make them better...even if it occasionally makes the mistake of trying to “fix” feminine energy...which we all know is a big mistake. Right, ladies? ;-)
By the same token, feminine energy is here to BALANCE OUT THE SYSTEM. Feminine is the “fairer sex” because it balances out all that intellect in the head with emotion and feelings in the heart. That’s why “female intuition” is a powerful tool for discerning feelings and truth. The beauty of the feminine is it brings nurturing and care-taking. Feminine is about connection and bonding when masculine can sometimes be dark and solitary in order to “unplug” and relax. I call it H.E.R.S.™ and it stands for Human Emotional Response System. One challenge of an emotional navigation system is that occasionally it can be overwhelming when all that emotion hits at once or gets bottled up inside for too long. Put another way, if masculine is about survival, feminine is about enhancement.
Different – and perfectly complimentary
As you can see, our strengths, abilities and gifts are quite different – but all of them are critical to the complete human experience. They are meant to be complimentary yet somehow we’ve DE-volved over the years in many ways from a cooperative model to a competitive model. Generations of misunderstandings and power struggles brought us great benefits like women’s suffrage, equal rights and other necessary world-changing advances...but left unchecked, the shift can become adversarial or even downright antagonistic when it goes too far.
So if this much “feels” like it could be true...what else could it mean?
Pick up any woman’s magazine at the checkout counter and it will likely have numerous articles that are “less than flattering” when it comes to their conclusions regarding textbook masculine behavior. I ask the question: is it possible that the writer’s offering a biased opinion created through a feminine filter? Consider this:
• Are men just players out for one thing?
While it may be true in many cases that masculine energy frequently prefers to experience love through physical or kinesthetic contact of some kind, what if it’s not exactly the kind of heartless victimizing behavior that is too often portrayed? The fact is, usually masculine energy (which is logic-based) opens to love through sex while feminine energy (which is emotion-based) opens to sex through love. There’s that complimentary concept again. While it’s most certainly painful to feel “used,” that kind of belief focuses on a victim mentality...which just happens to be the EXACT opposite of what men really want...an empowered and radiant woman who knows her value.
• Do men avoid commitment?
While it may “appear” to have some basis in fact, the truth is men want love also...but it has to meet their needs as well. The challenge is masculine energy is hard-wired with a strong desire for freedom so that conflicts with the feminine need to feel “safe” or in other words, “committed.” What if the issue isn’t commitment at all and it’s simply a timing issue and a straight-up decision regarding the pros and cons of giving up one need for another? I submit to you that men absolutely WILL commit and even die for you when they have enough good reasons to do it.
• Why do men always want to fix you?
It’s not that men want to fix YOU necessarily. It’s simply that masculine energy demonstrates its value by solving problems and it can’t do that if it’s emotionally distraught. If a guy’s trying to “fix” you, it simply means he cares and wants to help you not be so emotionally uncomfortable. Once again, a man’s GIFT to the feminine is his ABILITY to be the strong, steady ROCK who can be counted on to be the one you can lean on when emotion overtakes you. It’s only wrong if you decide it’s wrong. Smart women know how to “throw their guys a bone” every now and then and ask them to solve a problem FOR THEM. It makes them feel needed, valued and appreciated...and it also makes them want to do EVEN MORE for you.
Does this make sense so far?
If this resonates with you so far, please check out my site at manmagnetics.com for even more huge, game-changing distinctions. On that site I offer nearly 2 hours of free training designed to help smart women understand men far better so they can bring out their very best – rather than suffer through their worst. The truth is when you start to just “get” men and understand how they’re really wired, you get to immediately stop treating them like the enemy who’s out to “get you.” Now that’s the start of a beautiful relationship...something I like to call a Legendary Love For Life.
Dave Elliott is an International Relationship Coach and Human Behavioral Specialist based in Baltimore, MD. He is the founder of Legendary Love For Life and the creator of The ManMagnetics Formula.™