How To Know When It's Finally Time To Consider Divorce
Do you stay in your marriage, or walk away forever?
Anthony Tran | Unsplash Alright, ladies, we can admit that most of us have dreamed of getting married and living happily ever since we were kids. But it's almost as if once our dream wedding ended, reality took center stage. Being married isn't as easy as people often make it seem. It doesn't matter how long you've been together; there is always going to be a time when you guys don't see eye to eye and end up getting into an argument because of it. It just isn't as pretty as expected, and some days will be harder than others.
So what happens when you find yourself fantasizing about getting a divorce instead of sticking it out? Divorce coaching duo, Kimberly Mishkin and Liza Caldwell of SAS — Support And Solutions For Women, talk about the different steps to take before you decide to get a divorce. Their advice is brilliant, and we couldn't agree more. Getting a divorce is a really big (not to mention life-changing) decision. That's why it's so important to really think things through, and perhaps seek out couples counseling.
How to know when it's finally time to consider divorce:
1. Make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship
It's hard to see through the pain, sometimes, when you're in a rough patch in your marriage. But writing a list can help you remember what you like and love about your spouse. Having a visual of all the reasons to leave or stay in your marriage can help you make a decision much faster.
2. Get objective advice
Don't go to your friend who already hates your spouse, and don't go to your mom who thinks divorce is the end of the world. You might want to hire a divorce coach or seek out a therapist or other support person if you worry your friends and family can't be objective. They care about you, but they also only know what you tell them, which is most likely about all the fights and arguments you and your spouse have been in.
Sometimes, talking to your husband about everything that has been bothering you can put you both on the same page. Even if sitting down and getting to the bottom of what's really hurting is something you really don't want to do, and it doesn't change your mind, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person. You tried your best to make your marriage work, no one can fault you for wanting to leave. At the end of the day, you have to think about your happiness, especially if you have kids involved. They deserve to have two happy parents, even if they're not together.
Liza Caldwell runs SAS for Women, a boutique firm that specializes in helping women free themselves from dysfunctional and unhappy relationships.