Girlfriend Demands New Boyfriend Show Her His Tax Returns & Divorce Certificate — Calls Him A Gaslighter When He Hesitates
He wasn't sure if her requests were unreasonable.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock Modern dating isn’t easy. The act of online dating requires people to expend a serious amount of trust in the initial stages of meeting each other, which can be stressful and lead to many emotional hangovers.
While it’s entirely normal to want to protect yourself from harm, one man’s experience with a woman requesting proof that he was who he claimed to be left him confused and unsure of their relationship.
The man’s new girlfriend demanded to see his tax returns and divorce certificate, then called him a gaslighter when he hesitated.
He wrote to the subreddit r/AmIOverreacting to figure out if he was, indeed, overreacting or if something deeper and more destabilizing was going on in his new romance.
The 32-year-old explained that he’d been dating a 29-year-old woman for three weeks. He shared some context for his own romantic history, saying he got married young and divorced in 2020. He’s been in the dating game for a year and a half, yet this is the first time a woman has asked to see such proof.
Crime Art / Shutterstock
"Twice lately, we've been bantering, and she'll make a joke about if I was even previously married, but then she gets real serious," he wrote, adding that she questions her inability to find "that public information” and claims his defensiveness is “even sketchier."
“I feel like we have a great connection, but I’m getting tired of the mystery,” she told him. “Like you saying you’re financially stable but living with your 25-year-old brother like it doesn’t make sense.”
“If you don’t want a girlfriend or a partner, then I’ll move on [because] I’m tired of having questions come to my mind,” she continued. “I’m 29, I don’t play games. I’m looking for someone to do life with."
The man finally agreed to share his divorce certificate, but his girlfriend’s reaction made him second-guess their relationship.
“She said, ‘I can’t possibly be the first person who asked for this proof,’” he explained. “I said ‘You really are,’ which she said was ‘gas-lighty.’”
The man didn’t feel comfortable sharing his tax returns, though he noted that his income is “pretty normal,” sharing that he made $92,000 in 2022 and $100,000 in 2023.
“I kinda think we should end this immediately,” he wrote. “She's got some deep insecurities… We have a good connection, but I'm getting a lot of other red flags.”
The comments he received came mostly from men, who advised him to end the relationship, as dating a person for three weeks wasn’t a long enough period of time to ask for that kind of information.
One woman came to the comments and shared a crucial perspective, noting, “Women often do background checks on men we're dating or interested in. It's not uncommon. It protects us from married men, criminals, predators... If you know how and where to look, it's not hard.”
She agreed that verifying divorce is always a good idea, yet asking about income, was a subject better saved for when a relationship turns serious.
The man edited his original post to let everyone know he ended the relationship “and right on cue received some long insulting texts.”
“I don't have a problem with the proof of divorce, but not believing I was even married is weird,” he explained. “She never framed her request as making sure I didn't have a double life as a married man, but rather it was that I was possibly being dishonest about everything.”
It appears as though his now ex-girlfriend was possibly burned in the past, which led to her having pent-up trust issues that she wasn’t necessarily dealing with in healthy ways.
Timur Weber / Pexels
Asking for proof that a person is who they say they are isn’t outlandish, yet reacting in a charged way when they decline to do what you want them to does walk the line of emotional instability.
However, it’s important to highlight how often women are cast into the role of being crazy just because they ask for what they want or are trying to protect themselves from harm.
It’s a systemic issue that’s way bigger than these two particular people’s failed relationship, yet the through line remains true: Women are constantly told not to believe their intuition or to place their trust in men who hurt them.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture and all things to do with the entertainment industry.