Parents Upset After They Gifted Daughter $50K For A Wedding, Only For Her To Elope — ‘We Used It For A Down Payment’
She used it for a down payment on a house, just like her brothers did.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock Gender inequality can happen in any setting, including in families.
One woman found that to be true after her parents gave her and her brothers $50,000 each for very different reasons.
A woman was given $50,000 by her parents to spend on a wedding, but she had other ideas.
The anonymous woman posted on Reddit searching for advice and validation after she used a gift of $50,000 for something other than what it was intended for.
“My parents gave each of my brothers $50,000 when they graduated from university as a down payment on their home,” she explained. “When I graduated, they did not do the same for me.”
When the daughter questioned her parents as to why she was left out, she got an interesting answer. "They said my husband should provide," she wrote. "I wasn’t married. I still lived at home."
“Three years later, I met my husband,” she shared. “We dated for a year, and then we got engaged. My parents were overjoyed. When we set a date, they gave me a check for $50,000 to pay for the wedding.”
Although the money was meant for her wedding, the woman and her fiancé decided it would be better used elsewhere.
“I took the check, and we eloped,” she said. “We then used the check for a down payment on a house. My husband had a similar amount saved up, so we are in a good spot with equity.”
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Although her brothers were able to spend their gifted money in the same way without issue, her parents were angered by her actions. “My parents [are] furious that they didn’t get a big wedding for all their friends and family to attend,” she said. “They said that they gave me the money for a wedding. My argument is that I got married and had leftover money. Accurate in my books.”
Unfortunately, the rest of the woman’s family doesn’t see things from her perspective. “My brothers are on their side, so I am here to ask if I’m in the wrong,” she concluded.
Ultimately, her parents have no right to control how she spends the money they gifted her.
It’s not impossible to set limits on how someone spends the money you give them. However, this is typically seen in estate planning and wills. In these situations, a conditional gift can be left.
According to Beller Law, “Conditional gifting is a way to put stipulations on someone’s receipt of property or other assets from an estate. The testator can require that the beneficiary either do or refrain from doing something to receive the gift.”
While this certainly could have worked if the woman’s parents left her money after their death, it isn’t so simple when all parties are alive. If you willingly give someone money, there’s really no way to control what they use that on.
Reddit commenters were on the woman’s side, highlighting the obvious double standard.
Fellow Reddit users agreed with the woman who used the money on her down payment.
“Your family is being horrible and is using a [expletive] double standard,” one person wrote. “They wouldn’t have helped you get a home unless it was through marriage, but your brothers didn’t have that condition and just got the money.”
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“50K for a wedding when your brothers got that same amount for a home is outrageous,” another user added. “Seriously, what the heck [were] they thinking?”
Another Redditor pointed to the legality of the situation, writing, “You found a loophole. It seems odd they gave you the money outright versus paying the wedding invoices. Sorry, your parents have double standards.”
While it’s unfortunate that the woman’s parents are upset, there is really nothing they can do as nothing illegal happened. The only thing wrong in this situation was their blatant double standards for men and women.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.