Childfree Woman Admits She Has No Desire To Go On Vacation With Her Friends Who Only Talk About Marriage & Babies
"It's a really expensive way to feel bad about myself."
Jacob Lund / Shutterstock A 27-year-old woman was confronted with a particular emotional peril of growing older: the feeling of drifting apart from friends she was once close with.
She explained her situation on Reddit, sharing that she’s part of a friend group of eight women who have known each other for over a decade since school. They live in different places, so they meet up a few times a year for a weekend away — except this year, the woman wants to skip the trip.
The child-free woman admitted that she doesn’t want to go on vacation with her friends because they only talk about marriage and babies.
She noted that over half of her friends are married or in long-term relationships, and two of them either have a baby or are expecting one.
“I am content with my life at the moment,” she explained. “I am single, dating and I don’t know if I would like children, but in the event I did, I know I wouldn’t want one soon.”
She’ll be seeing her friends in the upcoming year for weddings and baby events, yet she turned down an invitation to go on their traditional girls' trip. Initially, she declined to give a reason why she wasn’t planning to go, but when one of her friends, who happened to be pregnant, pushed her, the woman told the truth.
“I am not going because it’s a massive financial expense, for three days where we only talk about people’s upcoming engagements, weddings, [and] babies,” she said.
“I have a lot going on, but I feel a lot of my friends do not show an interest unless I talk about someone I’m dating,” she continued. “Last time, I listened to one of my friends talk about her breastfeeding plans, with vengeance, for over an hour. She is not pregnant or trying. Truthfully, it’s boring, and it feels dismissive.”
The woman described weekends away with her friends as “a really expensive way to feel bad about myself.”
When her friend questioned her, she made it clear that she was “thrilled for them all living the lives they want, but maybe it’s not the weekend for me at the moment ... It feels like the group has two distinct life stages, I’m in the minority, and it focuses on one stage."
The woman’s friend was upset that she wasn’t excited for her or the other friends as they embarked on the next phase of their lives.
Her friend was "really hurt," even though the woman explained she was excited for them; however, spending time and effort traveling with her friends just wasn't the right fit for her at that exact moment.
“I do have numerous other things on, and to fit this in both in the calendar and financially is a struggle,” she said.
The woman added that she’d gone on three weekends away in the past two years for that particular friend’s wedding, and she planned to travel for her baby shower, as well. “I have not asked her, nor has she wanted to fly to see me for anything in the last two years,” she added.
Anna Tarazevitch / Pexels
The woman edited her original post to add further context, sharing that she’s excited about her friends’ weddings, engagements, and baby plans: She asks for updates and helps plan events around those life milestones.
“My issue is, three days of talking about this like it’s the only topic of substance is not fun, especially when I don’t feel an interest is reciprocated to me on my life,” she explained.
People in the comments supported her decision, telling her that she wasn’t wrong for feeling how she felt, nor for speaking her truth to a friend who was supposed to support her.
“You go out of your way to be constantly supportive of them,” one commenter wrote. “However, they don’t reciprocate that for you. They can’t relate to anything or want to relate to anything outside of their lives.”
Others noted that outgrowing friends and changing with age is an entirely common experience, one that comes with a palpable sense of loss.
“What you are experiencing at 27 is what a lot of the rest of us have also experienced,” one Redditor said. “Lives change, and all of a sudden, some of our friends don't have much in common with us anymore.”
“Unfortunately, friendships change,” someone else wrote, noting that “being truthful can hurt others, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be said.”
On some level, true friendships are based on reciprocity: There’s a balance to the give and take in every relationship, even platonic ones. The fact that the woman’s friends don’t acknowledge her life milestones because they’re different from their own markers of success makes these friendships imbalanced.
Aside from feeling like she’s drifting apart from her friends, it’s important to note that “no” is a complete sentence. If the woman doesn’t want to spend her time and money on a trip away, she’s under no obligation to do so.
Solid friends would understand that her decision not to go on the trip isn’t a reflection on them. It is beyond allowed to set boundaries that protect your heart, especially if your friends can’t meet you where you’re at.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture and all things to do with the entertainment industry.